Owen - on your second birthday

Owen,

My oldest, my firstborn, the child who made me a mother and taught me all about a new kind of love - you constantly astound me with your strength, your intelligence, your will, but most of all with your heart. Today, you are two years old - you are speaking in sentences that get longer and clearer each day, you love and protect your brother in ways that I couldn't even begin to imagine or hope for before you made them a reality. You are such an amazing little boy, and you are just that, a little boy - each and every day you are less my baby and more boy - and it is breaking my heart into pieces - both with sadness at the loss of the baby that you were and with pride and joy at the boy that you are becoming. My love for you grows each day at a rate that even you can't keep up with - although you are growing far more quickly than I'd like and soon I will no longer be able to fit you neatly in my arms - so I will soak up all the time I can holding you, carrying you, cuddling you, and loving you every way that I know how. 

They say that two is terrible and I've heard tell that three is worse, but I'm not going to accept that for us my dear boy. You are just so sweet and loving and smart - and sure you are testing each and every boundary that you reach, but together we are going to navigate this time successfully and we are going to make sure this time is joyous rather than frustrating. 

So, here is to embracing boyhood and all the messy and sticky and stinky and beautiful bits of it! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me next! 

Love you more than words can say!

Mom

2 years and 2 months: 2 updates

I can't believe I have a two month old and a two YEAR old! It is just absolutely crazy! I have a lovey sappy birthday post I'm working on for Owen that I plan to post next week along with pictures from our celebration this weekend, but I thought I'd do some stats and photos for both boys in one post this month since we're pretty busy around here these days!

I'm taking both boys to the doc for their check-ups on 8/5 - so I'll update with percentiles and exact measurements then inside the parentheses, but for now my attempts at home:

 
Noah at 2mo:
Weight: 13.6lbs (13lb 8oz - 90th %ile)    
Length: 24" (22 3/4" - 50th %ile)

If I'm at all close, he's gained almost 2 pounds this month and grown 3" - but we were a pound high and an inch off on our measurements at home last month - so we'll see!


Owen at 2yo:
Weight: 32.6lbs (32lb 3oz - 95th %ile)    
Height: 36-37" (35 1/2" - 80th %ile)

They say that by the time you are 2 that you are 1/2 of your adult height - so if that's true we're looking at this guy being between 6' and 6'2" - crazy to think that my "baby" could get so big!


There are about 1/2 as many pictures of Owen as there are of Noah - simply because Noah can't escape me! Owen was done with picture taking in about 1.2 seconds! I managed to get one good smile once I told him he was done! Err! Toddlers! So, with that said, we'll start with Owen.

What mom?! I'm watching my show!

At two years old, you: 

- speak in sentences almost all the time - at least 3 words, but sometimes more
- are sort of TV obsessed and love Mickey Mouse, Cars 1 & 2, Despicable Me, Toy Story 1-3
- are super compassionate and caring - you worry so much about the characters in your shows and about your friends - you hate to see anyone sad or upset
- still take one nap a day ranging from 1-3 hours
- only use your binky in bed and in the car - we transitioned you about a month ago and you are doing really well with it
- go to bed between 8:30-9:30 and sleep until about 8 each morning
- wake up and come to my bed to cuddle and watch cartoons for an hour or so before we get up and go downstairs
- love naming all your (and everyone else's) body parts and naming everyone and everything you see around you
- are CRAZY about fruit snacks - which you call "gummies"
- love your baby brother soo much and always want to make sure that he is with us - unless you are hungry/thirsty, then you want me to put him away and help you instead
- have started RUNNING away as fast as you can in stores and in public - we have had to use a little bumblebee backpack leash that my friend, L, gave us - you are starting to listen when I tell you to freeze, etc.
- have had a lot of timeouts lately, but unlike most kids your age, when I tell you to go to timeout - you listen (90% of the time) and go right to time out! You also immediately start saying you are sorry over and over!
- love construction vehicles, emergency vehicles, motorcycles - pretty much anything that goes "zoom, fast!"
- would rather drink a million cups of chocolate milk and juice than actually eat food - although you do still eat a lot
- say please, thank you, sorry, you're welcome, bless you, and I love you - without prompting - you are super polite and considerate!
- still love to be worn in the Ergo, mei tei, or the wrap
- still love to sing This Little Light of Mine, but now also love singing Old McDonald Had a Farm
- repeat the letters to spell your name but it almost always goes: 
    M: O O: O  
    M: W O: W
    M: E O: E   
    M: N O: Owen!
- started putting yourself to bed, I tell you to go to sleep and you walk upstairs and lay down - I come check on you and tuck you in, kiss, and leave - and you go to sleep
- LOVE sitting in the crack in the middle of the couch - you've decided it's your spot and tell us "sit here" pointing to the sides and will push anyone out of the middle
- call Grandma F "Grampa" and call my mom "Jessi" so you ask all the time for  Grampa and Grampa far away and Poppy and Jessi in car!
 
Owen, overall, you may be developing your own opinions and testing every boundary that you reach, but you are an amazing kid! I love you soo much and I am so proud to be your mommy! I can't wait to start you TERRIFIC TWOS! Love you, Mama

Fine, I kissed him...are we done here?

 Noah - my newest baby - oh how I love you! Owen made me a mommy, but you get to enjoy a pre-broken-in Mom - it's so much easier to enjoy everything you do this time, because I'm not so worried I'll break you like I was with your brother - and I don't have to go back to work and leave you both! It still amazes me every day that you are here and that you are mine - and I marvel at all the ways that you are so different from and so similar to your brother! I can't wait to see how those similarities and differences change as you grow! Love you - Mama

At two months old, you:

- seem to be even stronger than your brother was at this age, you roll over all the time and do super awesome pushups during tummy time
- are a happy-go-lucky guy most of the time, but when you get mad/hungry/sad/etc - you go from 0 to 60 (more like 120) in no time flat!
- love to be held and cuddled all the time and seem to dislike naps this week unless mommy is holding you, but you...
- sleep like a champ at night, you vary with when you decide night begins (somewhere between 10pm-2am) but you sleep for a solid 5 hours, nurse and go right back to sleep, followed by another 4 hours of sleep before you wake to nurse again - then you sleep for another 2-3 before you are up for the day
- have totally figured out nursing and nurse like a champ now! It seems like our overactive letdown issues have settled out and you latch right on and chow - I stopped worrying about charting when you eat, because you are growing so well and let me know what you need
- nurse every 1-3 hours, except at night - this early on it seems like every time you settle into a feeding schedule, you have another growth spurt and eat every hour again - so we'll wait a little longer to see where you settle with that
- have been more and more awake and aware during the day, you love watching us and looking all around and actually don't hate tummy time nearly as much as your brother did
- have started losing your hair - sorry buddy, probably not the last time
- LOVE Mommy most of all - makes Daddy a little sad, but I think it's just because I supply the food
- LOVE being held or carried, so I'm very glad we have all the various carriers to wear you, since I have to take care of your brother too (as I write this, you are asleep on my back in one of the woven wraps! I love that I can wear you on my back with a woven, while you are still little - it is so much easier to get things done!)
- are starting to figure out the binky but still prefer Mom - you only seem to like the NUK ones, and not the little baby ones - those are too small for you - only the big baby size for you!
- still sleep in the Rock-n-Play next to our bed (we'll probably keep you there until you stop with your middle of the night nursing session - since you'll share a room with your brother and we don't want you both awake in the middle of the night!)
- still have dark gray eyes, but they are getting bluer - a really bright vibrant blue
- seem to grow and change each and every day! It seems like as soon as I think I have you figured out, you can do something else or change things up on me! It is so exciting knowing that I won't miss out on all the little day to day things you do like I did with Owen while I was at work!

Mom, I am DONE with tummy time!

Boys,
I love you both SO, SO much! I was absolutely made to be your Mommy and it is my honor to raise you up to be men of God and to do great things for His glory! May you both always know how incredibly precious you are to us (Mom, Dad, and the Lord)!

Love you forever and for always - 

Momma

Noah's arrival - Part 3 - Postpartum

Both boys minutes after birth

Once Noah had entered the world, I expected everything to immediately return to normal, but things didn't exactly work that way. Noah was placed on my chest and after a few minutes was weighed and measured and all of that - since he was so big (9lb8oz @ 37w2d) they were a little extra concerned about him. I got about a million stitches while he was checked out. When they put him back on my chest, he was a little lazy at first and wasn't really latching on and I felt guilty thinking he was that way because I had taken the Stadol. His blood sugar was a little low, as was his body temperature. Not enough to take him to the NICU, but enough that the nurses were really pushy - they let us try to nurse for about an hour and started really pushing a bottle of formula - we requested a cup to supplement with like we had used with Noah - and they sent for lactation - and the first LC who came was way less than helpful. Noah continued to be lazy and his blood sugar dropped more, so I relented and let the pushy nurse give Jason a bottle a formula to feed him as he really hadn't eaten at all in the first few hours. They also made us keep him under the warmer's for what seemed like forever.

While I had been on the Stadol and was all loopy and confused - my MIL, D, had arrived in town and picked up Owen from L's house where J had dropped him off that morning. J let her (and everyone else) know that Noah was here - and told them (D and Owen) that they could come after we were moved to the recovery room in a few hours. Because of the blood sugar and body temp issues we stayed in the delivery room a little longer than usual, but eventually they bathed Noah, got him warmed up again, and moved us over to the other room (they didn't have warmers in the recovery rooms - so that was why we couldn't leave). 

We moved over to recovery and my blood pressure stayed high, but got a little better and after 24 hours - we were getting a little better at nursing, blood sugars and temps were stabilized, and Noah was looking pretty good - except for the fact that he was very bruised - his nose and cheeks and all along the backs of his forearms. He looked like a little boxer and as time passed he was getting a little jaundiced. J stayed in the hospital with us while D was at home with Owen - and each morning J went home to take Owen to his swim lessons, so he wouldn't miss out and end up behind. (Those lessons were amazing, but that's another post). Then, Owen would go home and nap with "Gramps" as he liked to call her - and J would come back to me - then later D would bring Owen to the hospital for dinner and a visit each day. 

Owen was not really a fan of his baby brother at first, hated being in my hospital room, and didn't want Noah anywhere near him. He just wanted to walk the halls and leave with grandma - it sort of broke my heart! But, each day he did get a little better and would let Noah a little closer to him and spent some time cuddled up with me. 

After 24 hours they took me off of the mag, but my blood pressure didn't normalize like it should have and they continued my meds from pregnancy and increased the dose. But my BP kept rising, so they started my on a second med on day 2pp and I had to stay another night :( - by day three my BP was still super high, but the doc on call agreed to increase my dose and let us go home and monitor my BP at home! Yay! 3 days in the hospital is way too long! We were finally home Saturday afternoon and able to start adjusting as a family - and have Noah's newborn pictures taken on Sunday. Within, a few days at home, Owen was very protective of Noah and always wanted to know where he was and hold him - so I was happy to know that most of his difficulty was with the hospital and not with me or his brother.  

I had a check up about a week pp and my blood pressure was normal on meds, but my doc kept me on them, but said to continue checking at home and after another week I was off of both meds as my BP started getting low! Yay! I went for another check after a week off meds and BP was normal - and it was still normal at my 6 week check! Yay! Although, Owen was a little traumatized by all of this and gets berry upset when my blood pressure is checked now - he's a smart cookie and knows that when they checked momma she went away and slept at the hospital and he did not like that! 

After discharge, Noah had to go back after 24hrs for a jaundice check and his levels were even higher so we had to go in Monday for another check - then we got a call that said he had to go the the children's hospital and have him checked again that evening since his levels were even more elevated and that if they hadn't gone down - he would have to be admitted to go under the lights - I was super upset and we prayed like crazy and nursed as much as I could possibly get him too - even more than we had been - which was every two hours since we left the hospital trying to get things back to normal. Evidently, his jaundice was greatly increased by all he bruising from birth. That night we got the hospital and they couldn't find the lab orders from our doc, so we had to wait over an hour as they got a hold of the doc to send new orders - praying and waiting and praying and waiting. They finally brought us back and drew blood - then we waited the next half hour in the can for the results - to find out if he would be admitted or go home - and praise the Lord - we got a call that his bilirubin levels had dropped drastically - way more than could have been expected - and he didn't need to be admitted! We went home and scheduled another check for Wednesday along with his 1wk checkup. He had lost more weight since he left the hospital, but was back over his birth weight and completely over all jaundice issues by his 2 week appointment! 

So, overall, we were very blessed and protected, but it was quite the stressful two weeks while both Noah and I recovered and got healthy! I was so glad that J was able to be home for those two weeks with soo many doctors appointments and the nonstop feeding and feeling crummy from the BP meds (they made me tired and really achey) - then in the middle of that time J's parents came for the weekend and then at the end of J's time off work, my parents came for two weeks. So, our first month together was very full and blessed and passed very quickly! And now, Noah is already two months old and we are finally getting into a new routine an getting back out for playdates and a more normal life. It's amazing how long it really takes to start getting back to normal with two under two (only for a few more days!).

Even though my pregnancy and delivery were not ideal, Noah was and is so completely worth any and all difficulty in getting him here! I thank the Lord every day for both of my amazing boys!

in between - five minute friday

I know I already shared this photo today, but it fit this post too!

In between my two babies. My boys - my sons - I am struggling with being caught in between the two if them - not quite meeting either one's needs exactly how they'd like. Today my toddler begged me to put my nursing newborn to bed - "mommy - sleepy, sleepy, pleaaase sleepy" he cried to me as he pointed to his brother's bassinet and begged that I prepare him a snack instead.

In between a rock and a hard place - they both need me so much, yet in such very different ways and in ways that are so much the same. One month in and I'm not sure how I'll do it, how I'll make sure that the toddler knows that he is loved and not forgotten and that the babe receives the attention and care that he needs as well. 

In between, not sure of which way to turn - who to help - there is only one of me and two of them with so many wants and needs between them.

But I continue on, finding the beauty in all this need, reveling in the wonder of all this love - between these two is exactly where I want to be!

Blog Every Day in May: Day 31

Challenge Day 31: A vivid memory

Clearly - my most recent memory is somewhat overwhelmed with the events of the last week - but I want to devote a little more time to documenting that story correctly - so instead we are going to go a different direction - but first off - Hooray for me (and all of you out there!!) for actually blogging every day in May! I didn't know if I could do it and with the developing health issues and actually having Noah and being stuck in the hospital this week - I almost gave up so many times, but I really feel like I grew a lot this month and I'm proud I pulled this off! Anyway...


"G....come out! It's not funny!....G! GEEEE, WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!? The GAME IS OVER! COME OUT! It isn't funny! G, come out! G please, please, please come OUT! YOU WIN - just come out!" I was 8 or 9 years old and my little sister (G) was 3 or 4 - and she didn't start talking until she was 5. My parents had left me in charge while they were running an errand and my brother, one of his friends, my sister, and I all decided to play hide-n-seek. G was very good at hide-n-seek. We all hid and played several rounds of the game before we realized that G hadn't been out between the last few rounds and that no one had seen her in a while. We stopped the game and all started to call out for her and look for her throughout the house. We checked every closet and every hiding place we each knew. We looked for what seemed like forever calling out for her, after a while, I was screaming and crying out her name, begging her to just COME OUT! I began to panic - we were all panicking, but I, I was in charge, it was my responsibility to be keeping her(them) safe and she was gone. We searched the yard, yelling down the street, and went back to searching the house again. Keep in mind, this was the early 90s and there were no cell phones - there was no calling my parents and asking them to come home - there was simply searching and waiting for them to arrive to tell them that she was gone (or call the police - but I was too scared to do that). We started to re-search the house. Checking each place, looking for other smaller hiding places that we might have missed. The entire incident probably took place in 20-30 minutes - although it felt like hours years! We found her, eventually, in the back corner of a closet, on top of a four foot high pile of boxes squeezed into a 3-4 cubic foot space above the boxes under the shelf, behind several winter coats - in a space that none of us knew existed and wouldn't have expected her to be able to fit in even if we had known of it. And when we found her - she laughed - she had sat there, listening to the panic in all of our voices, listening to us cry and scream and yell, silently waiting to be found. I don't know that she would have ever come out. Unfortunately, this is not my only memory of panic - searching for G - in many different places - over the course of several years - with and without my parents - always with the added fear of knowing that she couldn't tell anyone her name or phone number or what her family looked like or anything else to help her to be found. Thankfully, she eventually overcame her mutism/speech delay and her penchant for hiding and torturing us all - because I'm sure her husband probably wouldn't appreciate either ;) - but I will forever remember those feelings or terror thinking that I had lost her forever. I love you, baby sister, but man, the scared 9-year-old big sister inside me still wants to beat you up for that!

Blog Every Day in May: Day 30

Challenge Day 30: React to this term: Letting Go

Each new chapter begins by bringing an end to the one before. Welcoming this new little family of four means saying goodbye to the family of three that we used to be. Tuesday night, when I got the call that they had found protein in my urine I wasn't ready - I wasn't ready to let go and say goodbye to my family of three. I was supposed to have another week - I was supposed to have a plan - and a last date before things changed. I was supposed to have a special weekend with Owen doing all his favorite things and saying goodbye to being just Owen's mom. Then in a moment - that was entirely unexpected - I was packing and making calls and doing all the last minute things to be at the hospital only hours later. I didn't get to have time to say my long, sweet goodbye - my life as I knew it was going to change - and it was going to change fast. And I, I am not good with change. I like plans and order and slow easy transitions that I can prepare for - but thankfully, I am not the one in charge - God is and He knows far better than I do what we need and the right timing for everything. He knew that it was time to let go and it was time to pull the bandaid on our life and what it used to be.

And guys, I'm so glad that He's in charge instead of me, letting go of who we were was the best thing I have ever done - and we have to let go in order to free our hands to embrace all the new, amazing things He has in store for us. I am so in love with being a mom of two, I am so in love with my new little boy, and the big brother that I know Owen will be. This new life that He create for us is so much better than any life I could have created for us - and I'm so glad that I let go of the old to embrace the new.

Quick Update: We are still in the hospital and I am off of the IV meds, but blood pressure is still too high - and went up a little after the IV meds were out of my system, so we are looking to get those under control tonight. Noah is doing fantastic, he's really figuring out nursing (nursed every hour last night - which mommy did not appreciate), and he's looking really good - we've dealt with a few little issues, but strong and healthy and with us - so that's exactly what we were praying for. Owen is loving his time with "Gpa" and doesn't particularly like this new "baby brother thing" we keep showing him and keeps telling us "all done" and "no touch" when we try to show him Noah - he let Noah get a little closer tonight than last night, but we'll get there. Daddy is great, but sleepy - looking forward to all of us spending the next two weeks together building our new little family! Once we're home and settled I'll write up Noah's whole birth story out - I still don't quite believe the way things all played out.

37 weeks

Baby's size: Winter Melon [about 19.1 inches, 6.3 lb.] - not sure why I still include this :) - if we make it that far, I have another growth ultrasound on Friday and we'll see where we are then!

How far along: 37 Weeks

Sleep: Doing a little better at making bedtime a priority - not as well as I'd like, but actually in bed most nights by around 11 and that's an improvement - J has been on call every other day this week, so that makes falling asleep a little harder, but I'm working on it!

Maternity Clothes: we've discussed - clothes no longer fit - even my maternity wardrobe is dwindling dangerously - pretty soon I'll have to switch over to J's clothes! LOL!

Food cravings: nope - although this Whole Foods Chocolate Decadence cake is pretty flipping fantastic, but I'm fairly certain that's true pregnant or not!

Food aversions: nada

Symptoms I HAVE: Lotsa heartburn happening here! Also, my hips feel like they are going to break in half when I get up in the middle of the night - during the day I'm fine, but I get super stiff at night, like a brittle old lady, and I feel like my bones might crumble! More Braxton Hicks all the time - hopefully they're being productive, but I was still only dialated to a 1 on Friday at the OB and still at a 1 on Monday at the hospital! Getting nervous/anxious about Noah's arrival and an impending induction!! I'm still really hoping to go into labor naturally, and trying not to get discouraged that things aren't progressing more quickly!

Doctor’s Appointment: Went to the doc on Friday, BP still moderately high, but stable - so she decided we should schedule my induction for 6/5 (going in the night of 6/4 for cerdavil since cervix isn't favorable yet) - baby boy has 9 days to get himself ready to get here - I'm really worried about starting an induction and ending up with a c-section because my body wasn't ready - but I need to trust the Lord and my doctor and know that everything will come together the way it is supposed to, even if it is different from what I have in my head - what matters is that Noah is healthy and gets here safely! Then, Monday evening I was feeling a little funny and checked my BP - and it was 158/96 - so I called the OB on call and she of course wanted me to go in to be monitored - brought Owen over to my friend, L's, house by 8 and J did what he had to do to get out of the hospital even though he was on call and it was a holiday! Then we spent 4 hours in triage - Noah was great on the monitors (except that he kept moving out of range) - and my BP was pretty scary high for a while, they made me lay on my left side and it improved a lot - I was also having contractions every 4-5 minutes that started to get pretty painful on my side, but they weren't causing any cervical change and BP lowered enough - so they sent us home! J is beginning to feel like the boy who cried wolf leaving work over and over for trips to L&D that don't end with a baby in our arms - but what can you do? A BP like that needs to be monitored! Anyway, Owen didn't sleep at all at L's house (I picked him up just after midnight) - so today I had a migraine from the lack of sleep and stress of last night and O was a cranky mess - but we made it through! Here's to one more week!

Movement: With the way this kid has been moving in utero - I almost expect him to come out rolling over and crawling around! He is always on the go and super strong!

Belly Button: Innie - long 1/2 flat innie - it's looking weird, peeps!

Gender: Still a boy and he makes sure we know it at every weekly ultrasound - Noah is not shy!

Best moment of the week: Finally having an end date in sight, it's been making me so nervous having 3 different possible induction dates - I'm glad we can finally prepare - like I said, I hope he comes on his own before then so we don't have to deal with all the induction junk, but it's good to be able to plan and prepare! And it's good to know that my BP is/was stable enough to wait for 38 weeks and that she didn't feel like we needed to take him early! (Just turned in another 24 hr urine - so hoping that comes back good and nothing changes here!)

What I’m looking forward to: Holding this little guy on the outside - I know I'm going to miss having him on the inside, because I still miss having Owen on the inside sometimes, but it's getting really real that Noah will be here soon and I can't wait to meet him, but I also want him to grow and be totally strong and healthy - so I don't want to rush him either!

What I miss: This week I miss my mom - I'm getting really sad that she isn't going to be here for this delivery - she was in the room when I had Owen - and I am just starting to worry about how all of the logistics of everything are going to work - and while I know that my MIL is coming to help - it's just not the same - I want my momma! Although she will be here for a while after J goes back to work and that's better than just having her here for a few days earlier! Just a little sad and lonely for her this week! Miss my mom!


UPDATE: So much for 1/2 of this post - I just got a call from the hospital and I'm being induced tonight! Ahh!

{I borrowed the format for these entries from Eight Days a Week - who borrowed it from Finding Beauty in the Ordinary}

Blog Every Day In May: Day 1

I found this Blog Every Day In May Challenge through Karly - and I thought it would be fun to try it out - I don't know if I can pull it off, since I'm currently barely keeping up with once a week, but that's what a challenge in all about!

So, without further ado - Day 1: My life story in 250 words or less...

I was born on October 25, 1986 and became a big sister in '88 to a crazy brother and in '91 to a silly sister and I loved being mini-mommy to them both. I was raised in a very Christian home and accepted the Lord as my Savior early on. I started kindergarten at age four and became a lover of school and learning - graduated high school at 17 as salutatorian of my class after 13 years of Christian schooling. I went to college in state on a scholarship and rebelled just a little - making some choices that led to unnecessary pain, but I never left my faith behind. While I was in school, I worked doing habilitation with kiddos with autism and met/made my best friend (who happened to own the company) when I started to nanny her adopted daughter! I finished college early (just after my 21st birthday) and was eager to finally be a teacher! I taught kindergarten for five years - during which, I got my masters, met and married (between PGY 4/5) the resident J - who is now the fellow J - and became a momma to Owen. Then, Owen and I followed J to the Midwest for his fellowship (I had never lived anywhere other than my home state before) where I now stay-at-home taking care of all my boys - which will include one more (baby Noah) in 4-7 weeks!

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

Owen has a new favorite song and he has let it be know as he constantly requests "le ih shi" and sings along each time you repeat the line. This kid is always amazing me in new and exciting ways.

Today, he is 19 months old and saying about 120 words on his own (not repeating - probably about 200 that he'll repeat) and he's often starting to use 2 words sentences - even with the pronoun "I" like "I tuck (stuck)" or "I bonk" - which he says regularly while whacking himself in the head - silly boy. He's also starting to use a few adjectives and pointing out some body parts (consistently eyes, but sometimes ears, nose, head, and mouth) but he doesn't like to play the body parts game much - he's much rather be climbing or running or being silly. But he also loves to be cozy too, cuddle up with blankets to watch "trucks" (Mater's Tall Tales) or Backyardigans which he still loves or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and occasionally Sesame Street since he loves Elmo, but he does not like Abby's Flying Fairy School and always makes me fast-forward it.

Owen is still a big guy and was 80th percentile for height and 90th for weight at his 18 month checkup - not chubby at all, but just an all around big kid - although he does have a super cute little toddler belly!

He's starting to understand more about daddy being on call, where before he would just start to get fussy on call evenings without really being consolable or understanding, but now you can tell him that "daddy has to sleep in the hospital today" and he seems to get it and calm down. It doesn't stop him from asking for "da-Dee" ten times a day, but it does stop the fits when daddy doesn't come. He is also starting to do really well with being dropped off in the nursery at church - sometimes we still have a little trouble, but most days he walks right in and plays happily! So thrilled and proud of my big boy! Last Sunday, we were actually planning to keep him with us since he was acting tired, but he pointed at the nursery and kept repeating "kihs, kihs (kids)" - so cute, and he went right in and played like crazy the whole time! It's amazing watching him develop this new-found independence!

I've been working really hard on making him (and future kiddos) a quiet book or busy book and I have a few more pages to go before I put things all together to make his first book (hoping to end up with 4 that get harder). I'm also working on getting everything together to start 2 year old homeschool preschool this August - hopefully if everything is ready it will be easier to stick to with a 2yo and 2mo. It's been amazing watching him learn the last 6 months and I can't wait to see where he goes with some more structure and guidance (working on moving towards some school-like play now so he'll be ready when the time comes). His attention span is already MUCH longer and he's really getting into reading books - he even repeated 3 letters the other day!

Each new step, I'm amazed that this is my kid and that he is growing and developing so well, but as proud as I am I still mourn just a little the baby he was. Every day he is bigger and needs me less (he uses forks and spoons by himself 80% of the time - he hardly lets me feed him - and that over there to the left is a 5 block tower) and he is becoming more of his own little person - and soon I'll have two clamoring for my attention - so right now I'm soaking up every snuggle and hug (he gives the BEST hugs or huggies as he calls them) and cuddle and kiss that I can get!

I love you, little man! And I am so proud to be your mommy and so glad that God has blessed us, so that I can stay home with you and watch you grow!

Owen - soon to be big brother

Hey big kid,
You amaze me more and more each day and I can't wait to see you as a big brother. I know that you will love Noah so much - and that you already do, since you give me big smiles when we talk about baby Noah and you kiss my belly. I also know, that this is going to be hard for you. Mommy was the oldest kid and so was daddy, so we both have an idea of the position we are putting you in. There will be times that you want and need us and we will be busy with Noah and/or other baby brothers/sisters that you may have later - but I need you to know that nothing will ever change the love I have for you.

You, my owee - my firstborn, you made me a mommy. You made me into the person that I have always wanted to be and I can never thank you enough for that. You might drive me crazy sometimes, you might make messes on purpose, and beg for attention, and play too rough - but you love like crazy and that is amazing to see. Today when your girlfriend came over, you so sweetly were determined to feed her her bottle - I worried that you would try to steal it, but you didn't a single time, you just wanted to love on her and help take care if her. I know that sometimes you might get jealous and you might resent being the oldest and being the big kid, but I want you to always know in your heart that you were the one who taught my heart to love in a way that I never knew how before and that will never change - I will always love you like that and if you are ever feeling left out or like I'm not paying attention to you, please tell me, so we can fix it, because mommy never wants you or Noah or any other babies we have to feel unloved or unimportant - none of you will ever be second best to me - each and every one of you is a gift from God and so important to me in your own unique ways - and no one can or will ever replace you in my heart.

Jealous much?

My time being just your mommy has been so precious to me, and you have helped me to grow in so many ways - you've taught me so much about love and patience and flexibility and not judging others (or myself) and you've made me a better mommy and a better person in more ways than you could possibly know.

I love every bit of you, always let your light shine!

Love,
Mama

Let your light shine! Never lose that joyful spirit!

Two Become One on 2/1

On February 1st, my baby sister got married. G and J got engaged on Christmas and planned and executed a super quick wedding - and are now living in our desert condo - since Papa had to move into an assisted living facility after his most recent hospital stay.

While it was stressful planning a last minute trip and travel with a toddler while 5 months pregnant is not anyone's idea of a a good time (that first plane ride was physical torture - but O watched cartoons and did fantastically on both legs of the trip) - in the end it was great to be able to see family and spend time celebrating my baby sister and new BIL.

It was a simple church ceremony, performed by my dad (he did all three of our weddings) and G was beaming the entire night - it was amazing to see her so beautiful, so grown-up, and so happy. I'm so proud of the woman that she has become!