He did SOO well with the transition to the toddler bed and he would lay right down and go to sleep give him a kiss, binky, his animals, and turn on the music and you were outta there!
Then about 3 weeks ago - he started showing some signs of separation anxiety when going to sleep - both naps and bedtime - and he started to point to the rocking chair and repeat "wr-ock, wr-ock, wr-ock" begging me to stay and rock until he fell asleep, which varied between 5 and 20 minutes - I found if I tried to sneak out and disturbed him it made the whole process last muuch longer. But, he would still fall asleep and stay asleep fairly well until early morning, which was pretty typical that he'd wake up between 4-6 and come to bed with me (think it is usually J's alarm that wakes him, but also habit) - where we'd sleep until about 8. It wasn't perfect and there was lingering guilt about the sleep props (we started out doing Babywise pretty strictly and it worked great until teething and then it just became too much to not do things like give him the binky back or nurse or bring him to our bed - my hubby gets little enough sleep as it is and he was dying - so we loosened up and made something work for our family - but now, nothing is working.
I've googled and googled and read blogs and articles and who knows what else - and pretty much everyone says you just have to suck it up and get through it - and I just don't know how much more I can suck up and get through! And then we evidently get to do this again at 24 months and then with Noah all over again at 4, 9, 13, 18, and 24 months! :'( But like most have said I've pretty much blocked out Owen's earlier sleep regressions and I'm sure I will again - lovely feature of memory that allows us to say "oh yea, we're ready for another baby!"
Yet, here we are and it seems like this phase will never end - and it's amplified by how cranky and tired he is all day - with tantrum after tantrum because he is just plain overtired - yet he continues to fight sleep with everything that he's got - rubbing his eyes and yawning along the way as he begs to "go" pointing downstairs or to rock or read books or do anything but sleep.
In my research this week I found a few tips that I'm starting to implement and hoping will help -
- I'm done worrying about "screwing him up" and I'm going to do what it takes to get him to sleep - not to "win" this battle - when all of this started, it just seemed like his was being defiant and I was not going to let my toddler walk all over me and dictate our lives - I was the parent and he was the child and he was going to lay down and go to sleep goshdarnit because I said so - and not with me sitting there or rocking him or whatever else - he was going to do it MY way...smart mom, real smart...how's that working out winning or not my kid was sad and crying and needed me - not to set boundaries in a moment that he didn't understand, but to just love him and be with him as he figures out this new phase in the whole going to sleep thing.
- So if I need to lay in his bed or rock in the rocking chair or hang out with him, okay, I will, but not if he yells at me, I'm making him use a nice voice and say please - so that works for me. I started to think today about how we always say that in our marriages we should never go to bed angry - yet here I was being harsh and "yelling" at my toddler to lay down and go to sleep - and he was sad and didn't know why mommy was mad at him because he didn't want to go to sleep. So, instead - today at naptime I stroked his head and talked sweetly to him and instead of two hours of struggle before his nap it took about 45 minutes - still a pain, but he fell asleep peacefully instead of in tears and I left feeling like I showed him love instead of impatience and frustration.
- Try putting him down for naps and bedtime an hour earlier to avoid him getting overtired and hyper. We did this one too, and I think it helped some...he wasn't quite as fussy and after the LONG time it took to fall asleep at each of his two naps and bedtime...he ended up asleep about at the time that he should have been going down (WIN!) instead of hours later - doesn't feel that great when his nap that was supposed to be at four ends up starting at six and you just know that will further mess up bedtime!
- The last tip/idea that we didn't consider or try yet today, but plan to test out this weekend - is that maybe...just maybe he's ready to transition to one nap and we're forcing it with two. This article pretty much said he has all the signs of readiness for one nap and pretty much none of the signs that he still needs two naps. So, maybe I'm making this whole sleep regression thing worse by trying to make him keep this routine when he is telling me that he is ready to move on. So, first step we are going to try is to maintain his first nap (usually around 12-2 before all this mess) and to transition the second nap (usually 4:20-5:00) to just a quiet time - where we will stay in his room probably in bed, but he can read books, play with his teddy bear, etc. the things he's doing laying there anyway, but I'm not going to force it if he doesn't go to sleep - if he falls asleep great, if not and after half an hour or so he is saying he is ready to go, then okay, we'll go and play - I'll miss that time because it was great for prepping dinner, but I think it's worth a try to see if that makes our home a more peaceful place. It isn't like if we try this out and he ends up having crazy meltdowns, we can't go back to making that nap happen again.
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| There, there, baby...mama's here... |
