Five Minute Friday: exhale

Exhale, inhale - breathe in, breathe out - just make it through...

through this run, through this day, this hour, this month....

The last several months that's what life had been like around here - I need conscious reminders to take the time to breathe, between cross-country moves, and a month without dad, and a new job that will be taking his time from us yet again. 

Breathe, Jessica, breathe - exhale the old heavy breath and breathe in the fresh, sweet air that surrounds - breathe in the beauty of your growing children - breathe in the comfort of your husband's presence - breathe in the fun. 

Exhale the stress and the worry and the need to do it all and be it all for all of them. Exhale and release those heavy burdens - exhale with a sigh of sweet release that this time of testing has come to an end and revel in the joy of new beginnings. 

There will always be more to do and more stress and worry, but have faith that the Lord will equip you for the work to be done - all you need to do is breathe in - breathe out - and know that He who is bigger than you - bigger than I - cares for us.

 

Five Minute Friday: hero

"Mickey Hero" to the rescue!

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My little hero swoops through the living room - jumping from couch cushion to couch cushion - "flying" through the air - always on a mission - ready to "rescue her". He's absolutely in love 'heroism' and this mama will do all that she can to use this phase to teach him how to be a gentleman! His love for others, his eagerness to please, and the joy he feels being a helper and a hero is contagious to us all!

He rescues me with kisses / he rescues me with his cuddles, his love, and his joy - my little hero rescues me more than he knows! He rescues me from my worries and fears - from my distractions - and from a life less lived and less loved! He is my hero!

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My littlest hero has a gummy one-toothed smile. He's quick to offer kisses and cuddles and  always ready to chase after big brother on hero patrol - always learning - always watching - the happiest person I know - always ready to share his joy with the world. A hero-in-training, but a hero nonetheless!

He crawls to the rescue at a single whimper - he hates to see any of us upset or in pain. He isn't sure yet how to help, but with a tear of his own to accompany yours and a kiss and cuddle. He helps to make it all better - whatever 'it' may be. The compassion in his tiny heart and the love and admiration for his big brother are inspiring. He is my hero!

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Their daddy - their daddy is the biggest hero of them all! He wakes before the sun and only rests when all of our needs are met far later than his body craves - he works at least twice the 'norm' yet comes home doing all he can to help and support us here. He saves me from the day that just won't end, and the needs that just can't be satisfied, and the need for time to myself and for adult attention! He rescues me from myself - just by being himself! I am and forever will be in awe of this man that I am blessed to call mine. His love for all of us and his devotion to his work and his family are unparalleled! This man does more for our family and for the world in the hours before I wake each morning than I do all day! He is truly a hero to us all! It is my hope and my goal to raise my boys to be everyday heros - just like their daddy! I know he often feels like he doesn't do enough, or isn't here enough, or in any other way - that he doesn't measure up - when in fact, he couldn't be more wrong - he sets the bar!
 

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I live in and I love in a house full of heroes - who love their mama with their full selves, who don their diapers or their  capes and big boy undies or their scrubs - and they go to the rescue each and every day - and I'm proud to be their mama and their Jess - I'm proud to be the woman behind the heroes - supporting their wings - helping to guide their steps and their hearts - being a hero is a big job - but the world needs more heroes like mine and I'm so glad that God trusted me to be a part of building them! (Ok - this took more than five minutes, but I just got excited!)

 

Reflect: five minute Friday

 His blue eyes sparkle back at me, a glint of rebellion, a shimmer of excitement, a challenge - his love is infectious, this boy of mine, but his will is a challenge all it's own.

In him, God shows me reflections of myself - reflections of who I have been and who I still sometimes am - even now I often stand before a loving Father - just like a petulant toddler, insistent that I know better than He, that my way is surely the best way! And He gently leads me to follow His will rather than mine. Through His love and His grace He guides and He softens this stubborn will of mine. 

May my parenting of him be a reflection of the way He has guided and taught me! May he see a reflection of God through me just as I see a reflection of myself through him! May I continue to learn through these parallels of parent to child and my Heavenly Father to me - and always strive to parent more like Him! May we both not only survive this time of toddler tantrums and tears, but come out on the other side both a better reflection of our Creator - after all, we were made in His image and what better image could we reflect unto the world!

 

in between - five minute friday

I know I already shared this photo today, but it fit this post too!

In between my two babies. My boys - my sons - I am struggling with being caught in between the two if them - not quite meeting either one's needs exactly how they'd like. Today my toddler begged me to put my nursing newborn to bed - "mommy - sleepy, sleepy, pleaaase sleepy" he cried to me as he pointed to his brother's bassinet and begged that I prepare him a snack instead.

In between a rock and a hard place - they both need me so much, yet in such very different ways and in ways that are so much the same. One month in and I'm not sure how I'll do it, how I'll make sure that the toddler knows that he is loved and not forgotten and that the babe receives the attention and care that he needs as well. 

In between, not sure of which way to turn - who to help - there is only one of me and two of them with so many wants and needs between them.

But I continue on, finding the beauty in all this need, reveling in the wonder of all this love - between these two is exactly where I want to be!

5 Minute Friday: Rest

Every week, lots of lovely ladies (and I believe a few gents too) gather up to just write for 5 minutes with no edits or redos - we write about the same topic along with Lisa Jo Baker in this whole 5 Minute Friday thing. I'm linking up and giving it a try - not sure if I'll do it every week or just sporadically, but I think it's good practice to just let loose and not overthink this whole writing thing! 

Rest:

It seems everywhere I turn I'm faced with the call to "rest." One blog after another talks about rest, they talk about rest in church, and I keep seeing over and over how often I "rest" without really resting.

It's hard to rest when you can so easily get caught up in the rest. The rest of the things that you have to do - the laundry, spending time with the toddler, cooking, dishes, meal planning, and more of the same. Forget about the time wasted on TV "resting" while trying to do several things at once.

The thing is, if your attention is always divided, you never really find true rest, nor do you efficiently complete the rest of your tasks and responsibilities. This week, my boy and I, we've rested. There are piles of laundry, playdates and bible studies we've missed, dishes in the sink - and a boy and his mom cuddled up on the couch watching "tucks" (Mater's Tall Tales) and "choo choos" (Thomas) - a boy and his mom cozy in bed sleeping in even if I should be getting him onto the new DST schedule.

We're resting - and it's ok - we'll get to the rest eventually.

 

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5 minute "friday" (oops, I guess Sunday) - ordinary

Every week, lots of lovely ladies (and I believe a few gents too) gather up to just write for 5 minutes with no edits or redos or anything that usually binds them up and they are write about the same topic along with Lisa Jo Baker in this whole 5 Minute Friday thing. I'm linking up and giving it a try - not sure if I'll do it every week or just sporadically, but I think it's good practice to just let loose and not overthink this whole writing thing! (And I'm actually setting a timer this week because I went way over last time!)

Start...

Ordinary

Ordinary - it's funny, I spent so much of my life struggling with ordinary - with pressure to achieve and perform and be anything but ORDINARY - I had to be better, to be perfect, to be extraordinary. Yet, in other ways, I would shrink and hide and worry - and wish that I could just be like everyone else. To be a part of things.

That's the rub, to be extraordinary - you have to stand out - to stand apart, consecrated, separated.... different, alone.

God gave me a drive to push for greatness, yet I have often found myself mired in fear - allowing the devil to convince me that there is safety in "ordinary" that there is security in being a part of the crowd.

God has not called me to be ordinary, He has called me to be His own, and to stand apart from this world for HIM.

Stop.

I feel like there was and is more, but that's not what this exercise is all about - so there it is - 5 minutes and 5 minutes alone.

Five Minute Friday: What mama did...

I type, I backspace, I do exactly what you are not supposed to do with this whole 5 Minute Friday thing - I can't let go _ I can't not edit _ not try to get it right and perfect and say it the way I mean it instead of the way it comes out.

What my mama did...

Everything.

She did everything - she always did everything and did it seamlessly. She stayed home and took care of me when I was little, she went back to work when I was in school - so that I could go to private school and we could have health insurance - she went back to college while I was in elementary school and while I remember her projects and being a part of a few - I don't remember her being distant or away from us like I remember my dad driving taxi cab and being gone. My mom, she was a constant presence. She worked at the church connected to my elementary school and she worked hard - changing jobs every few years, but always maintaining the stability for us even when she needed the change. I loved my daddy, but my momma - she did it all...she made the world spin and picked up the pieces when things went wrong. I think of all she accomplished while raising us and I'm flabbergasted. I have no idea how she did it - working full time, going to school full time (getting a 4.0) and raising 3 kids  -- while I struggle to stay-at-home and care for one toddler and pull of showering and keeping up with the laundry.

My mama...

She wasn't perfect, but she did it all and she did it well... and I'm not quite sure how she did it.

I just hope I can.

My boy and my momma

(Well, that was more like 15 than 5 - but it's a start for my first try - next time I'll set a timer)