Happy Labor Day

Well, here we are - yet another holiday home alone with the kids - and I'm sure we're not the only ones - but just for fun let's discuss how we got here...

The week before last was rough...J worked late Thursday getting home around 9 then Friday he got stuck on another case and got home just after 8 - then he was on call Saturday worked regular days getting home between 5-6 Monday and Tuesday then call again Wednesday - and we were SOO looking forward to post-call Thursday and J had taken Friday off - so J was going to have 5 days off in a row - and we needed it after the last week! 

Then - guess what?! - an email went out Wednesday afternoon saying that - due to some scheduling snafus - the "junior" fellow needed backup support and wasn't ready to work completely alone and there was a big case Friday that need a more senior fellow - so the guy post-call would need to stay and do it...the wording of the email didn't exactly ask J to come in, but it sort of made it clear that he was really needed! So, of course, since we weren't planning on leaving town, we decided that J should go in to help and be available as backup for the weekend. 

We offered for him to work Friday so the post-call fellow could go home - then, and I'm not sure how this happened in the conversation, but the schedule for the whole weekend was reworked and J ended up on call today. Whatever, stinks, but we are used to it, not that big of a deal, and we were promised a different long weekend for helping out - great! 

So, we were a little bummed, but we had a normal weekend and J kissed me goodbye and was off to work this morning like normal and I went back to sleep - only unlike normal - this morning I got a call at 5:40 - J had stopped at 7-11 for an energy drink and the car key had broken off in the door! Are you kidding me? So, he needed me to come get him and bring him to work - now this was no easy feat with a two year old and a three month old. 

I lumbered out of bed and got dressed - changed diapers and dressed the boys and headed out. By the time we got to daddy at about 6 - both boys were thoroughly awake and crying. Then Noah decided he was hungry and proceeded to cry the entire 20 minute drive to take daddy to work - we were able to nurse in the parking garage before heading home - so Noah fell asleep full and happy, but by that point there was no getting Owen back to sleep. Now, here we are 3 hours later - on the day that feels like it may never end - and naptime just may happen by 10am - although Noah has been asleep for two hours - so I'm sure he'll be up as soon as Owen is down - no naps for Mama! It's going to be a couple of cups of coffee morning!

Such is life as a doctor's wife - hope everyone else is having a better holiday than I am! With or without your other halves!

sad...

My momma is gone. She and my dad left tonight at about seven to start their road trip back home to the desert. I held it together while they were leaving trying to make sure that Owen understood that they wouldn't be back in the morning and that we wouldn't be seeing them again for quite a while, and then not a full minute after I closed the door behind them, I had to get Owen distracted with a toy and I hid in the bathroom and cried - big time. They were here for about 15 days, but they both worked whole they were here and didn't come over until after Owen's afternoon nap most days - so I feel like I barely had time with them. And, of course, J is on call tonight and going golfing in the morning - this momma already misses her momma and isn't looking forward to doing g this alone! Here we go - time to start real life as a mom of two - with a hubby as a second year fellow - and no family less than 7 hours away! I know I can do this, but tonight, I just wanna pout a little! I want my mommy (complete with toddler stomp and pout)!

Oh and I do realize that after posting every day for a month, I haven't posted at all for the last month, but we are doing great and getting a routine down and I will be getting Noah's birth story finished up and be back to regularly scheduled posting again soon!

Blog Every Day in May: Day 21

Challenge Day 21: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives


Well, my archives are not all that extensive, but I'm starting to build this little space up and I'm seeing development in my writing and in my confidence in how I express myself - so, while my "favorite" posts are not all that great - it was great to take a little time to look back through things and see my progress!

My very first post ever  on my original blog where I talked about how things were changing and the guilt of being a new momma! Then I whined a little about J's work schedule as we were trying to navigate life after maternity leave, but before I became a stay-at-home momma. Then, there are a few posts about how Owen has been responding to J's call schedule: here in my first post on this new blog kinda setting the stage and here when Owen showed that he's really starting to understand Daddy's job and how/why he doesn't come home. I also compared how Owen's been having some temper tantrums and how while I get frustrated with his responses that he really is responding a lot like his momma - oops! Finally, my last favorite is my post on the quiet book that I made for Owen - it isn't an amazing post or that awesome of a quiet book, but I worked really hard on it and I'm super proud of how it turned out!

I feel like these posts offer up a picture of who I am and the growth I've made over the last few years! What are your favorite posts? Share them - I'd love to get a better view of who you are and where you've been!

Blog Every Day in May: Day 20

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

So, this may sound silly to some, but the thing that I'm really struggling with right now, and have been for the last three years forever...is bedtime. 

That's right - bedtime. Now, as most of you around here know J is a surgical fellow - so he is at work by around 6 most mornings, sometimes earlier - and he works hard going all pretty much nonstop all day - so prior to getting married to me - he went to bed pretty early. But I've always been a little bit of a night owl - my ideal sleep time would be from 11 or 12 until 9 or 10 most mornings - which for a while with Owen worked out well for me (he's now getting up around 8, but we snuggle for a whole before we actually get up and go downstairs). So, with Owen sleeping until 8 most mornings (or later) and napping once or twice a day, he doesn't really go to sleep at night before 8:30-9 (sometimes 10) and then there are all of the adult things that need to be done - dishes, straighten up, blog, watch a non-animated television show that doesn't revolve around trucks, spend a little time talking to my hubby, budgeting - you get the idea. Allthethings - they haunt me and they never seem to be done, add in that end of pregnancy nesting symptom - and it seems to be easily midnight before we head upstairs and that just isn't fair to my hubby! And then I just feel like a jerk because even if I'm getting less sleep than I'd like - he's getting less than that. We make plans, I set "get ready for bed" alarms, I try to get things done while he's at work or Owen is still awake - yet it just keeps happening that day after day we stay up later than we should - and we are about to add a newborn into this mix - goodness gracious! 

Oh and I've tried making J just go to bed without me - he won't - he feels too guilty because he knows that I'm lonely and we don't spend enough time together - so it's an all or nothing thing around here - also it's much worse when he's on call and not here - I've developed some lovely pregsomnia and can't sleep when he's gone resulting in staying up even later cleaning/organizing/watching pointless TV or tossing and turning in bed. 

I don't have any answers and I seem to just be digging myself deeper into this struggle instead of out of it. So, I sure could use some help! Any ideas out there? Any grownup bedtime routines or rituals that actually help you get to bed and sleep at a decent hour? Tips? Tricks? I'm sure J would love you forever if someone could actually get me to get things done and get to bed at a decent hour! (Oh, and because I'm feeling convicted after writing this - it's currently 9pm and Owen just went to sleep - I'm posting this and headed up stairs to fold/stuff diapers in bed and go to sleep - hopefully by 10 - maybe I just need to write a post about how I stay up too late every day!)

Blog Every Day in May: Day 16

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

All in all, I know I've been a bit of a complainer in recent weeks, but my "lot in life" is a pretty darn good one! We have everything that we need and more. We are all healthy and able-bodied - I am married to the best man I know, and my kid is fantastic! Sure, J works almost twice as much as the average American and that is hard - but he has worked similar hours since we met, and when he is here - he is all here and makes us a priority - often at his own expense - so I really don't have room to claim J's job something difficult in my "lot" that I need to overcome - even though it does come with it's own unique challenges.

However, there is something that I've been struggling with and trying to overcome - especially this last year. This life married to a surgeon - and life in general - includes a lot of unknowns - his schedule is irregular and there could always be something that comes up keeping him away for a genuinely good reason. This is hard for me - not having everything all lined up and tied with a bow is hard for me. I am a planner....I like to know what is coming so that I can be prepared. I don't like surprises and I don't like change. Yet, life requires flexibility and an ability to embrace the unknown. That is something that I have never been good at. Now, throughout this pregnancy, we have been faced with unknown after unknown and question after question - all of which received vague non-answers. It seems that each time I go to the doctor I face another "if" and receive no sense of security or answers. I'm hoping that starting these meds will lead to a little more certainty and an ability to plan/determine when things are coming - since I've been told several times now that this pregnancy is most likely ending with an induction - but each time we speak it varies as to when - being anywhere from now to 39 weeks - and that is a big difference, especially with a toddler who I have to prepare for a new brother and who needs to be taken care of when I am in the hospital.

This has been the year in which I have had to learn that I don't always know the plan, and I don't always get to have all the answers - but I need to step forward in faith and continue on "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." {Jer. 29:11} He knows what He's doing and His plan is better than mine could ever be - so maybe sometimes a little bit of the unknown is okay and maybe I don't have to have it all figured out - because He does!

34 weeks

Baby's size: Cantaloupe [about 17.7 in., 4.73 lb.] - or in Noah's case 6lb12oz according to our ultrasound yesterday! Eeek!

How far along: 34 Weeks

Sleep: So-so - my hips seem to have loosened a little making turning over easier and J was gone most of the week, so that made it easier to sprawl out on the bed and get comfortable - still have a million potty breaks each night though!

Maternity Clothes: Same issues - still making things work, but it snowed this week and rained for days - no closer to getting me into my summer maternity skirts and dresses, which would definitely be a little more comfy! Hopefully, this crazy Midwest weather is done messing around and it will warm up - I mean come on it MAY - although forecast for this week has rain Wednesday through Friday! 

Food cravings: I've been eating lots of carbs - waffles, bagels, bread, etc. and moving more towards like 5-6 small meals a day instead of a few big ones - but no real cravings.

Food aversions: None, although cooking this weekend the raw chicken did gross me out a bit!

Symptoms I HAVE: still dealing with back pain, heartburn, and wearing out quickly - I'm thinking there here for the duration - also started up with lots of Braxton Hicks and some more significant contractions in the evenings - this is starting to get real - Noah is going to be here soon!

Doctor’s Appointment: Well, I should have known what I was asking for professing something like my post yesterday about things always going wrong when J is gone - I always underestimate the power if my words! Anyway, I went to my appt. alone with Owen while J was working - knowing it would be a little bit of a long one since I had a sonogram first - O went down for his nap a little late, so I had to wake him up to leave for the appt after only an hour of sleep; however, even with that he did surprisingly well! At the OB, we got in for the sonogram fairly quickly, but Noah was sleeping and not being very responsive- after moving too much during every other ultrasound! We finish up and move on to the appt - somehow I'm up 2 1/3 pounds since I left the house - but anyway, we get to the room and I try to settle Owen in and I'm a little flustered - the nurse decides to come back for my blood pressure - so we settle and in she comes about 2-3 minutes later - she takes me BP doesn't say what it is but asks how it was in my pregnancy with Owen - hmm, not a good sign. Anyway, in comes doc and she doesn't have my sono results yet, but wants to recheck my BP - again...not good. She checks it again and lets me know it's high - not super high, but not good either and then gets my sono results - she lets me know his current size and sees some note she isn't sure of and runs off to check it out - when she came back she seemed a little more concerned (I'm guessing the note was that he wasn't being very active) and talks about the BP and how we want to do blood work and a non-stress test and a 24hr urine catch (even though there wasn't any protein in my urine that they had just taken) and wants me to come back Wednesday to check BP again - so she seemed more than a little worried, which of course makes me at least a little worried. So, I set Owen up with the iPad and snacks on each side of his umbrella stroller and they strap me into the NST - and of course this is the time J isn't at my appt to help! - so during the 20 minute NST - Owen managed to spill his entire pack of fruit snacks on the floor as he tried to pick it up and was devastated for his "gummies" and I could do nothing to help and he dropped the iPad on the floor two separate times (it was less than a foot and more slid off his lap so no damage, but I couldn't move to get it back for him and he was strapped into a stroller) sooo it was less than pleasant. Then we had to head over to the lab for the blood draw! This kid was amazing for an appointment that ending up being almost 2 hours and trapped him into a stroller! NST looked good - urine is now turned in - will check BP again tomorrow - here's hoping this is not the beginnings of pre-eclampsia!

Movement: I can definitely tell things are getting a little tight in there - Noah still loves to stick his butt out on the right side of my belly button and drive me crazy - but he's also moving and grooving in there a lot too - it's really cool to be able to see a lot of his movements from the outside at this point!

Belly Button: Almost flat, but still an innie

Gender: Baby Boy

Best moment of the week: J coming home from his conference late Sunday night!

What I’m looking forward to: I'm looking forward to some time together with J and Owen this afternoon with J post-call! We really missed daddy!

What I miss: I miss ease of movement - you know standing up, sitting down, getting in/out of bed! It feels like everything takes so much effort and like my body is ready to fall apart - if this is what it feels like to be old - I'm so not looking forward to it!

{I borrowed the format for these entries from Eight Days a Week - who borrowed it from Finding Beauty in the Ordinary}

Blog Every Day in May: Day 6

Day 6 of the Challenge: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

What do I do? All of last summer I struggled with this exact question - now that I wasn't a teacher anymore and I was just a stay-at-home mom - what do I say when people ask what I do?? I was worried that people would think less of me now that I was no longer teaching, especially since I was leaving a job in an urban (read 'high-poverty') school so I could now just be a lazy middle class mom. Although, I knew then and I know now that I am not a "lazy middle-class mom" and I know that the "lazy" stay-at-home mom is a myth (or if she exists I haven't found her - because I'd like to know the secret! *wink, wink*) - but it was still a fear of mine that people would think that - just like I worry about how I'll be judged as a "blogger" - not that I think I qualify as one yet.

I do the things we all do - I cook, I clean, I wrangle a two silly dogs and a crazy toddler - all while growing a giant baby in my belleh. But those aren't the things that define me - although they do use a significant portion of my time. 

I love, I cuddle, I teach - in a more profound way than I ever did as a teacher, and I learn more from my kid than I would have ever thought possible. I am learning about love and life and patience. I am learning about God and parenting and teaching others. I am even learning about myself - I am also putting myself out there in new and different ways that I never did before. I am becoming more myself and more of who I want to be and that excites me - I want my babies to see their mom as fearless and brave - I want them to know that if they want to try something then that is exactly what they should do - TRY. 

So, what do I do? I try - I try to do it, I try to do more, I try to do less, but I always keep trying and for now - I'm good with that!

Kihs...sih?

A few weeks ago at bedtime, J called to say goodnight and of course O got all excited thinking daddy was coming, but after a little reminder that daddy had to work and sleep at the hospital today Owen responded "kihs" (kids) and I said “yea daddy has to help the kids” and he said "sih" because we generally tell him that daddy has to help the sick kids I agreed that yes daddy has to help the sick kids and he immediately calmed down said hi and bye kissed the phone and was ready to go to sleep - and it broke my heart, just a little bit.

"Night-night, daddy" - waving at the phone

Here's the thing, and I acknowledge that what I'm about to admit makes me officially the WORST human being alive, but sometimes I find it hard to be quite as understanding and compassionate as my son- sometimes I resent J's job and the time it takes from our family and then - then I remember that essentially I'm resenting kids for being sick enough to need surgery - and bam, there I am "worst person in the world" territory. Yet, even though I know in my head how vital it is that J is available for his patients, my selfishness and jealousy still seem to rear their ugly heads – especially when I'm tired and cranky or sick or it's just too many days in a row of practically every other day call - or when J goes in anyway even though he is off because there is a complicated case that one of the research fellows can't do. Then, I find myself frustrated and angry that it's always all about work (J does care about his patients, but I know he loves us and doesn't have things out of balance) It’s just hard. The thing is – in his job – his time, his knowledge, his ability, his presence – it can be the difference between life and death, and how do you compete with that.

My cranky, lazy pregnant butt that doesn’t want to get up and cook dinner or that wants a break from chasing the toddler around – that doesn’t beat out the panicked parent waiting to hear how their preemie is doing on ECMO or how their 6 year old did in surgery, etc. J spends all day every day in the world of most parent’s worst nightmares – and he is one of the people working to make it a little less of a nightmare – and that is amazing…and it takes a tremendous amount of strength that I know that I don’t have. Yet, my selfish heart struggles with daddy not being home for dinner, or feeling lonely. I know that the way I feel is a natural human response. I married a man that I wanted to spend my life with -- and a lot of that life is spent without him. It just looks exceedingly more selfish when what is taking him away is soo selfLESS. I mean, if he was off being a lawyer for some sleazy client and worked these hours, no one would question my struggle with being sweet and understanding about it – but that’s not who or where we are.

God is guiding me, teaching me, leading me. He is letting me know that HE is always here and I can always rely on Him. Because let’s be honest, there are kids and families out there that just plain NEED J more than we do and that will always be the case. Their needs have to come before my wants. I’m not saying this to be a martyr or complain – it just is, and I’m trying to grow through it and remind myself that while it is hard – it is his ministry to serve these families in need and it is my ministry to support him in that and to raise these boys of ours to know what an amazing man their father is – to teach them to look up to him and aspire to be like him – and I can’t do that if I’m pouting and complaining that other wives get to spend more time with their hubbies. I can’t do that if I’m mad at him for going back in to help someone who needs it. I, just plain, can’t do that without God, because without God, it is natural and easy to grumble and complain and believe that everyone else has it better, but to be honest – we have it pretty gosh darn amazing right here! We are beyond phenomenally blessed – with health and love and safety and pretty much everything that we could want and definitely everything that we need.

Thank you Lord, for teaching me through the eyes of a child (my child) that caring for others it what it’s all about – that loving J means supporting him fully without complaint – that You have called us to such a time as this and that I need to rise to the occasion rather than allow the devil to bind me with his lies that I “deserve” more or different. Because the wages of sin are death – so that is what my sinful, selfish heart deserves – but instead I’m blessed with an amazing husband who would do anything for me, an equally awesome son who amazes me each and every day, another on the way who is sure to rock my socks off too, and more blessings than I can count. Thank you, Lord! 

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

Owen has a new favorite song and he has let it be know as he constantly requests "le ih shi" and sings along each time you repeat the line. This kid is always amazing me in new and exciting ways.

Today, he is 19 months old and saying about 120 words on his own (not repeating - probably about 200 that he'll repeat) and he's often starting to use 2 words sentences - even with the pronoun "I" like "I tuck (stuck)" or "I bonk" - which he says regularly while whacking himself in the head - silly boy. He's also starting to use a few adjectives and pointing out some body parts (consistently eyes, but sometimes ears, nose, head, and mouth) but he doesn't like to play the body parts game much - he's much rather be climbing or running or being silly. But he also loves to be cozy too, cuddle up with blankets to watch "trucks" (Mater's Tall Tales) or Backyardigans which he still loves or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and occasionally Sesame Street since he loves Elmo, but he does not like Abby's Flying Fairy School and always makes me fast-forward it.

Owen is still a big guy and was 80th percentile for height and 90th for weight at his 18 month checkup - not chubby at all, but just an all around big kid - although he does have a super cute little toddler belly!

He's starting to understand more about daddy being on call, where before he would just start to get fussy on call evenings without really being consolable or understanding, but now you can tell him that "daddy has to sleep in the hospital today" and he seems to get it and calm down. It doesn't stop him from asking for "da-Dee" ten times a day, but it does stop the fits when daddy doesn't come. He is also starting to do really well with being dropped off in the nursery at church - sometimes we still have a little trouble, but most days he walks right in and plays happily! So thrilled and proud of my big boy! Last Sunday, we were actually planning to keep him with us since he was acting tired, but he pointed at the nursery and kept repeating "kihs, kihs (kids)" - so cute, and he went right in and played like crazy the whole time! It's amazing watching him develop this new-found independence!

I've been working really hard on making him (and future kiddos) a quiet book or busy book and I have a few more pages to go before I put things all together to make his first book (hoping to end up with 4 that get harder). I'm also working on getting everything together to start 2 year old homeschool preschool this August - hopefully if everything is ready it will be easier to stick to with a 2yo and 2mo. It's been amazing watching him learn the last 6 months and I can't wait to see where he goes with some more structure and guidance (working on moving towards some school-like play now so he'll be ready when the time comes). His attention span is already MUCH longer and he's really getting into reading books - he even repeated 3 letters the other day!

Each new step, I'm amazed that this is my kid and that he is growing and developing so well, but as proud as I am I still mourn just a little the baby he was. Every day he is bigger and needs me less (he uses forks and spoons by himself 80% of the time - he hardly lets me feed him - and that over there to the left is a 5 block tower) and he is becoming more of his own little person - and soon I'll have two clamoring for my attention - so right now I'm soaking up every snuggle and hug (he gives the BEST hugs or huggies as he calls them) and cuddle and kiss that I can get!

I love you, little man! And I am so proud to be your mommy and so glad that God has blessed us, so that I can stay home with you and watch you grow!

Tired Momma

This momma is tired. Like the tired in your bones that just doesn't go away - yet somehow, here I am in the middle of the night, watching TV and blogging because as much as I want and need the sleep it just won't come. I had an even harder time sleeping last week between the first (2/4) and second (2/13) ultrasounds - praise the Lord that the second one went so well and I was able to sleep again - but adding to that J was on call every other day last week after we got back from the desert. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - then Tuesday again and Saturday again then Tuesday again. That means that he hasn't had an actual day off in over two weeks - sure he had post call days after all of those call days, but he also went back in for an emergency on post call day and he worked late at least 3 of the regular work days between all of the those call days. So, that means I've seen my hubby for like 3.2 seconds since our trip - oh and last Saturday he had to take his standardized test for this year - so half that time he was home - he was either studying or stressing about not studying! ughh!

February has not been good to us!

Plus somewhere in there I attempted to go to a babywearing meeting and felt totally ignored and left bawling on the phone to J at work (where he really was far to busy to try to comfort his ridiculous, pregnant *read hormonal* wife). I was looking for some help and input on woven wraps and they were really busy helping everyone else and I guess I just didn't speak up enough - I was hoping to borrow a wrap from the lending library too and even that didn't happen. So, I just bought one online and watched videos to figure this whole thing out for myself. There is definitely a learning curve, but I think I'm figuring it out and Owen seems more than willing to help me out and loves cuddling momma in his "ba-pa" (backpack). 

Ahh, finally asleep - please stay that way until morning!

It's hard work growing a baby and taking care of a toddler and Owen is definitely getting super needy lately. He wants to be held nearly constantly and is loudly and forcefully making his wants and needs known. Add to that some lovely 18 month old sleep regression, which I'm told is normal and it's been extra hard. At least 3 times this week (and as many last week), Owen fought his naps for upwards of two hours - getting out of bed, standing in bed, screaming, crying, rocking in the rocking chair, reading books, singing - I have tried literally everything. I've tried sitting with him, I've tried laying in his bed, I've tried being mean and scary voiced mommy, I've tried leaving him alone to cry it out. He just keeps fighting and fighting and fighting sleep - even though I KNOW that he is tired - getting cranky, rubbing his eyes, yawning. He willingly goes upstairs with me to go to bed, but once we're there it's a whole other story. As for bedtime, he does a little better, but insists that I sit in the rocking chair until he falls asleep, and if he isn't all the way asleep and I try to sneak out, even with talking to him, he ends up getting himself so worked up that by the time he's calmed down again, the whole process takes even longer than it did the first time. He has always slept sooo well, but all of a sudden, it is really like he is scared to go to sleep, he doesn't seem to be being bad or defiant or playing (well sometimes he is being a stinker and playing) - mostly he just seems genuinely worried for me to leave him and I don't get it, is he having scary dreams, is he just developing more of a sense of self and my separation from him, or is he just being 1 1/2 and this is another phase that will pass? With all of this he's back to waking up in the middle of the night again 2 out of 3 nights at least twice - you can usually get him back down the first time, but the second or third is harder, and he ends up in our bed somewhere in the middle of most nights - which means bad sleep for everyone except Owen. Add to that his runny nose and junky nighttime cough that keeps waking him and making it hard to breathe

---

...like I said, this momma is tired - and if I'm as tired as I know I am, J has got to be barely hanging on, because at least Owen and I sleep in until 7:30-8:30 most mornings - J does all this and gets up between 4-5 most mornings (I do not envy that). We really need to get to bed earlier, but it's hard when you try to put Owen down at 8:30 and it's after ten by the time you can leave him. Lord, we need help with this sleep thing - help us know how to help Owen feel secure and get to sleep easily, help us to get things done and get to bed at a decent hour, give us deep restorative sleep so that we wake refreshed and ready to serve you at our best. Thank you, Lord! AMEN!

***oh and on a totally unrelated note - Owen is totally getting the whole praying before dinner thing and holds hands soo nicely and grins a huge grin when we all say Amen - add to that - he sings "This Little Light of Mine" all the time - it is SOO amazing seeing him begin to develop his own relationship with the Lord!***

12 weeks...

I was doing such a good job getting this blog started. Starting to document and share, and then came morning sickness...and Oral Boards...and Thanksgiving travel...and blogging went right out the window. Then somehow an entire month passed with nary a post!

Belly growing fast this time! Only up 2lbs!

So, morning sickness has been significantly worse this time. When I was pregnant with Owen, I felt crummy and sick the first trimester, but I ate crackers all day and I was ok - probably threw up a total of 2-4 times total. This time, I just haven't been. For weeks, I threw up at least once every day. I don't know if that means this one is a girl, or if it's just different - different chasing a toddler without the mental distraction of teaching a class of 26 Kindergarteners (5 of which were the most difficult children I've EVER dealt with - and I did Habilitation with kids with autism for 5 years). Or is it different because I'm trying not to constantly stuff my face with carbs, since I'm still carrying around 25 of the pounds I put on during my first pregnancy! Regardless of why, it's been hard - and I have felt like such a crummy mommy! More times than I'd care to count, Owen has stood "over" my shoulder patting and rubbing my back as I threw up. There is nothing sadder than your 15 month old having pity on you and being worried about his mommy!

Up next...Oral Boards. Ugh, I know that I wasn't the one that had to study and travel to Philly for a week and stress out and go through the incredible stress that is people purposely asking you tricky questions and trying to intimidate you and make you slip up - which of course J didn't! He was amazing like he always is and he passed - yay! But, I did have to deal with a hubby who was stressed and anxious for approximately a month prior - who was on call pretty much every other day for a week, then left for 7 days, then was on call the next day when he got back and 2 days after he got back - leading up to the day we left at 4am to go back to the desert for Thanksgiving! Ugh - all while taking care of a toddler alone and dealing with significant morning sickness. Then in Phx, Owen had some nasty diapers for a few days followed by J and I both ending up with a stomach virus Thanksgiving and Friday! YAY! Sooo sick, but while we were both miserable - Owen was happily destroying the hotel room feeling grand. Glad Owen never went down, but still curious how he gave it to both of us and never really got sick himself. Then we had some unexpected expense on our Thanksgiving trip and it is taking FOREVER to get our reimbursements from J's trip - err! Thankfully, God is good ALL the time and we found out that J's work covers a little over half of our deductible for the birth - so our monthly OB bill for the next 6 months went from $410 to $205! Yay, praise the Lord! That will make a huge difference for us!

surgeon's wife

I still love you mommy!
watermark for previous blog

These are the days that it's hard. The days I count on J to pick Owen up, because I have a million things to do, but he can't because he's on call and someone else needs him more than we do. The days when I feel like a horrible person, because I resent people for being sick...for him away from us...as if there were a single person out there thinking, "tonight I'd really love to have some emergency surgery!" Yet, I'm still mad that I had to take an hour to pick O up and now I have to wake him up in his carseat and make him play by himself while I finish working - I'm a bad person, that is all.