Nacho has just started sleeping through the night - like for real STTN - he fell asleep at 11 and woke up at 10 - and instead of rejoicing like any sane momma would - I'm sad. I'm sad that I am missing that 5am feed we used to have before I packed him up to take him to my mom's and go to work (yes- I actually take him out of his crib, put him in the carseat, and travel across town and he doesn't get up - usually). I'm sad that now that I've been back at work a month I see him so little when he's actually awake and happy. Some days I only get one or two feedings and a cranky baby who's overtired from bad napping at Gma's all day. I told myself that "when we had kids, I'd stay at home" and that I'd do things right, but we just can't afford it. We are beyond blessed to have my mom to care for him, but it just doesn't feel right being back at work. I still love my job and my students, but there's a whole in my heart that only Nacho can fill. At work, I feel like a bad teacher who isn't focused or doing the best that I can for the kids - and at home, I feel like a bad mommy who isn't focused or doing the best that I can for MY kid. I blink and Nacho is another week or another month older. It seems like just yesterday we were leaving the hospital and he's really already 15 weeks old, only a few more weeks until he starts solids (which I plan to make myself - courtesy of my lovely Baby Brezza, which I'm so excited to try out!).
It's time to start a quest - I've been lost in the mire of work and baby and life and I'm missing out on all of it. I think I'm starting to get work under control 5 weeks back from maternity leave, but it's time to get baby, life, and husband back on track! Goal 1: Make a real home-cooked dinner at least 3 times a week and sit down at the table and eat like a real family (NO TV). Goal 2: Exercise! Go on family walks at least 3 times a week and use the Wii Fit at least 3 times a week as well (We'll work on actually going to the gym later). Goal 3: Actually spend some quality time with the hubby (even just talking and focusing on each-other during our walks or dinner!) Goal 4: Take more pictures and keep better track of what's going on with Nacho! Nacho is growing soo fast and everything is always changing, I need to document that better for all of us! Goal 5: Mommy time - there never seems to be enough time in the day/week/month - but this needs to be done, J deserves a showered, made up, un-cranky wife and Nacho doesn't care, but when he does I want to be a mommy he's proud of.
Day 1 - here we go!
