Five Minute Friday: hero

"Mickey Hero" to the rescue!

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My little hero swoops through the living room - jumping from couch cushion to couch cushion - "flying" through the air - always on a mission - ready to "rescue her". He's absolutely in love 'heroism' and this mama will do all that she can to use this phase to teach him how to be a gentleman! His love for others, his eagerness to please, and the joy he feels being a helper and a hero is contagious to us all!

He rescues me with kisses / he rescues me with his cuddles, his love, and his joy - my little hero rescues me more than he knows! He rescues me from my worries and fears - from my distractions - and from a life less lived and less loved! He is my hero!

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My littlest hero has a gummy one-toothed smile. He's quick to offer kisses and cuddles and  always ready to chase after big brother on hero patrol - always learning - always watching - the happiest person I know - always ready to share his joy with the world. A hero-in-training, but a hero nonetheless!

He crawls to the rescue at a single whimper - he hates to see any of us upset or in pain. He isn't sure yet how to help, but with a tear of his own to accompany yours and a kiss and cuddle. He helps to make it all better - whatever 'it' may be. The compassion in his tiny heart and the love and admiration for his big brother are inspiring. He is my hero!

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Their daddy - their daddy is the biggest hero of them all! He wakes before the sun and only rests when all of our needs are met far later than his body craves - he works at least twice the 'norm' yet comes home doing all he can to help and support us here. He saves me from the day that just won't end, and the needs that just can't be satisfied, and the need for time to myself and for adult attention! He rescues me from myself - just by being himself! I am and forever will be in awe of this man that I am blessed to call mine. His love for all of us and his devotion to his work and his family are unparalleled! This man does more for our family and for the world in the hours before I wake each morning than I do all day! He is truly a hero to us all! It is my hope and my goal to raise my boys to be everyday heros - just like their daddy! I know he often feels like he doesn't do enough, or isn't here enough, or in any other way - that he doesn't measure up - when in fact, he couldn't be more wrong - he sets the bar!
 

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I live in and I love in a house full of heroes - who love their mama with their full selves, who don their diapers or their  capes and big boy undies or their scrubs - and they go to the rescue each and every day - and I'm proud to be their mama and their Jess - I'm proud to be the woman behind the heroes - supporting their wings - helping to guide their steps and their hearts - being a hero is a big job - but the world needs more heroes like mine and I'm so glad that God trusted me to be a part of building them! (Ok - this took more than five minutes, but I just got excited!)

 

It's hard...

It's hard when the baby nurses all night long and the toddler refrain of "dow sares" (down stairs) begins far earlier than your tired, aching body can bare. It's hard when sick child leads to sick baby leads to sick momma and the daddy has to work overnight anyway. 

It's hard when who you used to be doesn't seems to fit and your new skin feels a little too tight and itches in it's newness. It's hard when the people you always thought would be there drift away with the winds of change. 

It's hard when you hear beauty in the voice of another, but you can't find the strength in your own. It's hard when someone else's "failure" looks an awful lot like your "unattainable" goal. It's hard when you measure yourself with the yardstick of another's success.

Life is hard, and it shows no signs of letting up, but God never wanted you to be her or us to be them. He only wants us to let Him in - to let go of our need for control and to allow Him to guide our steps. To let him set our goals and use his standards to measure our success. 

To put it in the words of another more eloquent than myself -

Jehovah Jireh, 

My provider, 

His grace is sufficient for me. 

My God will provide all my needs,

According to his riches and glory, 

He will give his angels charge over me

Jehovah Jireh cares for me... (this video is dated, but just made me soo happy!)

 

If the God of the universe cares for me - if He will provide for me needs, and He offers me his grace - who I am to worry when life gets hard. Who am I to question His strength and His ability to provide in all circumstances? When life gets hard, where will you turn, in whom will you rest, whose strength will you rely on? 

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I'm glad that I don't have to have it all together when things get hard, I'm glad that I don't have to have all the answers - that I don't have to be responsible for it all - I'm glad that my God is my provider and that my Heavenly Father is always here to help me when life gets hard.

Reflect: five minute Friday

 His blue eyes sparkle back at me, a glint of rebellion, a shimmer of excitement, a challenge - his love is infectious, this boy of mine, but his will is a challenge all it's own.

In him, God shows me reflections of myself - reflections of who I have been and who I still sometimes am - even now I often stand before a loving Father - just like a petulant toddler, insistent that I know better than He, that my way is surely the best way! And He gently leads me to follow His will rather than mine. Through His love and His grace He guides and He softens this stubborn will of mine. 

May my parenting of him be a reflection of the way He has guided and taught me! May he see a reflection of God through me just as I see a reflection of myself through him! May I continue to learn through these parallels of parent to child and my Heavenly Father to me - and always strive to parent more like Him! May we both not only survive this time of toddler tantrums and tears, but come out on the other side both a better reflection of our Creator - after all, we were made in His image and what better image could we reflect unto the world!

 

Happy Labor Day

Well, here we are - yet another holiday home alone with the kids - and I'm sure we're not the only ones - but just for fun let's discuss how we got here...

The week before last was rough...J worked late Thursday getting home around 9 then Friday he got stuck on another case and got home just after 8 - then he was on call Saturday worked regular days getting home between 5-6 Monday and Tuesday then call again Wednesday - and we were SOO looking forward to post-call Thursday and J had taken Friday off - so J was going to have 5 days off in a row - and we needed it after the last week! 

Then - guess what?! - an email went out Wednesday afternoon saying that - due to some scheduling snafus - the "junior" fellow needed backup support and wasn't ready to work completely alone and there was a big case Friday that need a more senior fellow - so the guy post-call would need to stay and do it...the wording of the email didn't exactly ask J to come in, but it sort of made it clear that he was really needed! So, of course, since we weren't planning on leaving town, we decided that J should go in to help and be available as backup for the weekend. 

We offered for him to work Friday so the post-call fellow could go home - then, and I'm not sure how this happened in the conversation, but the schedule for the whole weekend was reworked and J ended up on call today. Whatever, stinks, but we are used to it, not that big of a deal, and we were promised a different long weekend for helping out - great! 

So, we were a little bummed, but we had a normal weekend and J kissed me goodbye and was off to work this morning like normal and I went back to sleep - only unlike normal - this morning I got a call at 5:40 - J had stopped at 7-11 for an energy drink and the car key had broken off in the door! Are you kidding me? So, he needed me to come get him and bring him to work - now this was no easy feat with a two year old and a three month old. 

I lumbered out of bed and got dressed - changed diapers and dressed the boys and headed out. By the time we got to daddy at about 6 - both boys were thoroughly awake and crying. Then Noah decided he was hungry and proceeded to cry the entire 20 minute drive to take daddy to work - we were able to nurse in the parking garage before heading home - so Noah fell asleep full and happy, but by that point there was no getting Owen back to sleep. Now, here we are 3 hours later - on the day that feels like it may never end - and naptime just may happen by 10am - although Noah has been asleep for two hours - so I'm sure he'll be up as soon as Owen is down - no naps for Mama! It's going to be a couple of cups of coffee morning!

Such is life as a doctor's wife - hope everyone else is having a better holiday than I am! With or without your other halves!

Owen - on your second birthday

Owen,

My oldest, my firstborn, the child who made me a mother and taught me all about a new kind of love - you constantly astound me with your strength, your intelligence, your will, but most of all with your heart. Today, you are two years old - you are speaking in sentences that get longer and clearer each day, you love and protect your brother in ways that I couldn't even begin to imagine or hope for before you made them a reality. You are such an amazing little boy, and you are just that, a little boy - each and every day you are less my baby and more boy - and it is breaking my heart into pieces - both with sadness at the loss of the baby that you were and with pride and joy at the boy that you are becoming. My love for you grows each day at a rate that even you can't keep up with - although you are growing far more quickly than I'd like and soon I will no longer be able to fit you neatly in my arms - so I will soak up all the time I can holding you, carrying you, cuddling you, and loving you every way that I know how. 

They say that two is terrible and I've heard tell that three is worse, but I'm not going to accept that for us my dear boy. You are just so sweet and loving and smart - and sure you are testing each and every boundary that you reach, but together we are going to navigate this time successfully and we are going to make sure this time is joyous rather than frustrating. 

So, here is to embracing boyhood and all the messy and sticky and stinky and beautiful bits of it! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me next! 

Love you more than words can say!

Mom

2 years and 2 months: 2 updates

I can't believe I have a two month old and a two YEAR old! It is just absolutely crazy! I have a lovey sappy birthday post I'm working on for Owen that I plan to post next week along with pictures from our celebration this weekend, but I thought I'd do some stats and photos for both boys in one post this month since we're pretty busy around here these days!

I'm taking both boys to the doc for their check-ups on 8/5 - so I'll update with percentiles and exact measurements then inside the parentheses, but for now my attempts at home:

 
Noah at 2mo:
Weight: 13.6lbs (13lb 8oz - 90th %ile)    
Length: 24" (22 3/4" - 50th %ile)

If I'm at all close, he's gained almost 2 pounds this month and grown 3" - but we were a pound high and an inch off on our measurements at home last month - so we'll see!


Owen at 2yo:
Weight: 32.6lbs (32lb 3oz - 95th %ile)    
Height: 36-37" (35 1/2" - 80th %ile)

They say that by the time you are 2 that you are 1/2 of your adult height - so if that's true we're looking at this guy being between 6' and 6'2" - crazy to think that my "baby" could get so big!


There are about 1/2 as many pictures of Owen as there are of Noah - simply because Noah can't escape me! Owen was done with picture taking in about 1.2 seconds! I managed to get one good smile once I told him he was done! Err! Toddlers! So, with that said, we'll start with Owen.

What mom?! I'm watching my show!

At two years old, you: 

- speak in sentences almost all the time - at least 3 words, but sometimes more
- are sort of TV obsessed and love Mickey Mouse, Cars 1 & 2, Despicable Me, Toy Story 1-3
- are super compassionate and caring - you worry so much about the characters in your shows and about your friends - you hate to see anyone sad or upset
- still take one nap a day ranging from 1-3 hours
- only use your binky in bed and in the car - we transitioned you about a month ago and you are doing really well with it
- go to bed between 8:30-9:30 and sleep until about 8 each morning
- wake up and come to my bed to cuddle and watch cartoons for an hour or so before we get up and go downstairs
- love naming all your (and everyone else's) body parts and naming everyone and everything you see around you
- are CRAZY about fruit snacks - which you call "gummies"
- love your baby brother soo much and always want to make sure that he is with us - unless you are hungry/thirsty, then you want me to put him away and help you instead
- have started RUNNING away as fast as you can in stores and in public - we have had to use a little bumblebee backpack leash that my friend, L, gave us - you are starting to listen when I tell you to freeze, etc.
- have had a lot of timeouts lately, but unlike most kids your age, when I tell you to go to timeout - you listen (90% of the time) and go right to time out! You also immediately start saying you are sorry over and over!
- love construction vehicles, emergency vehicles, motorcycles - pretty much anything that goes "zoom, fast!"
- would rather drink a million cups of chocolate milk and juice than actually eat food - although you do still eat a lot
- say please, thank you, sorry, you're welcome, bless you, and I love you - without prompting - you are super polite and considerate!
- still love to be worn in the Ergo, mei tei, or the wrap
- still love to sing This Little Light of Mine, but now also love singing Old McDonald Had a Farm
- repeat the letters to spell your name but it almost always goes: 
    M: O O: O  
    M: W O: W
    M: E O: E   
    M: N O: Owen!
- started putting yourself to bed, I tell you to go to sleep and you walk upstairs and lay down - I come check on you and tuck you in, kiss, and leave - and you go to sleep
- LOVE sitting in the crack in the middle of the couch - you've decided it's your spot and tell us "sit here" pointing to the sides and will push anyone out of the middle
- call Grandma F "Grampa" and call my mom "Jessi" so you ask all the time for  Grampa and Grampa far away and Poppy and Jessi in car!
 
Owen, overall, you may be developing your own opinions and testing every boundary that you reach, but you are an amazing kid! I love you soo much and I am so proud to be your mommy! I can't wait to start you TERRIFIC TWOS! Love you, Mama

Fine, I kissed him...are we done here?

 Noah - my newest baby - oh how I love you! Owen made me a mommy, but you get to enjoy a pre-broken-in Mom - it's so much easier to enjoy everything you do this time, because I'm not so worried I'll break you like I was with your brother - and I don't have to go back to work and leave you both! It still amazes me every day that you are here and that you are mine - and I marvel at all the ways that you are so different from and so similar to your brother! I can't wait to see how those similarities and differences change as you grow! Love you - Mama

At two months old, you:

- seem to be even stronger than your brother was at this age, you roll over all the time and do super awesome pushups during tummy time
- are a happy-go-lucky guy most of the time, but when you get mad/hungry/sad/etc - you go from 0 to 60 (more like 120) in no time flat!
- love to be held and cuddled all the time and seem to dislike naps this week unless mommy is holding you, but you...
- sleep like a champ at night, you vary with when you decide night begins (somewhere between 10pm-2am) but you sleep for a solid 5 hours, nurse and go right back to sleep, followed by another 4 hours of sleep before you wake to nurse again - then you sleep for another 2-3 before you are up for the day
- have totally figured out nursing and nurse like a champ now! It seems like our overactive letdown issues have settled out and you latch right on and chow - I stopped worrying about charting when you eat, because you are growing so well and let me know what you need
- nurse every 1-3 hours, except at night - this early on it seems like every time you settle into a feeding schedule, you have another growth spurt and eat every hour again - so we'll wait a little longer to see where you settle with that
- have been more and more awake and aware during the day, you love watching us and looking all around and actually don't hate tummy time nearly as much as your brother did
- have started losing your hair - sorry buddy, probably not the last time
- LOVE Mommy most of all - makes Daddy a little sad, but I think it's just because I supply the food
- LOVE being held or carried, so I'm very glad we have all the various carriers to wear you, since I have to take care of your brother too (as I write this, you are asleep on my back in one of the woven wraps! I love that I can wear you on my back with a woven, while you are still little - it is so much easier to get things done!)
- are starting to figure out the binky but still prefer Mom - you only seem to like the NUK ones, and not the little baby ones - those are too small for you - only the big baby size for you!
- still sleep in the Rock-n-Play next to our bed (we'll probably keep you there until you stop with your middle of the night nursing session - since you'll share a room with your brother and we don't want you both awake in the middle of the night!)
- still have dark gray eyes, but they are getting bluer - a really bright vibrant blue
- seem to grow and change each and every day! It seems like as soon as I think I have you figured out, you can do something else or change things up on me! It is so exciting knowing that I won't miss out on all the little day to day things you do like I did with Owen while I was at work!

Mom, I am DONE with tummy time!

Boys,
I love you both SO, SO much! I was absolutely made to be your Mommy and it is my honor to raise you up to be men of God and to do great things for His glory! May you both always know how incredibly precious you are to us (Mom, Dad, and the Lord)!

Love you forever and for always - 

Momma

Noah's arrival - Part 3 - Postpartum

Both boys minutes after birth

Once Noah had entered the world, I expected everything to immediately return to normal, but things didn't exactly work that way. Noah was placed on my chest and after a few minutes was weighed and measured and all of that - since he was so big (9lb8oz @ 37w2d) they were a little extra concerned about him. I got about a million stitches while he was checked out. When they put him back on my chest, he was a little lazy at first and wasn't really latching on and I felt guilty thinking he was that way because I had taken the Stadol. His blood sugar was a little low, as was his body temperature. Not enough to take him to the NICU, but enough that the nurses were really pushy - they let us try to nurse for about an hour and started really pushing a bottle of formula - we requested a cup to supplement with like we had used with Noah - and they sent for lactation - and the first LC who came was way less than helpful. Noah continued to be lazy and his blood sugar dropped more, so I relented and let the pushy nurse give Jason a bottle a formula to feed him as he really hadn't eaten at all in the first few hours. They also made us keep him under the warmer's for what seemed like forever.

While I had been on the Stadol and was all loopy and confused - my MIL, D, had arrived in town and picked up Owen from L's house where J had dropped him off that morning. J let her (and everyone else) know that Noah was here - and told them (D and Owen) that they could come after we were moved to the recovery room in a few hours. Because of the blood sugar and body temp issues we stayed in the delivery room a little longer than usual, but eventually they bathed Noah, got him warmed up again, and moved us over to the other room (they didn't have warmers in the recovery rooms - so that was why we couldn't leave). 

We moved over to recovery and my blood pressure stayed high, but got a little better and after 24 hours - we were getting a little better at nursing, blood sugars and temps were stabilized, and Noah was looking pretty good - except for the fact that he was very bruised - his nose and cheeks and all along the backs of his forearms. He looked like a little boxer and as time passed he was getting a little jaundiced. J stayed in the hospital with us while D was at home with Owen - and each morning J went home to take Owen to his swim lessons, so he wouldn't miss out and end up behind. (Those lessons were amazing, but that's another post). Then, Owen would go home and nap with "Gramps" as he liked to call her - and J would come back to me - then later D would bring Owen to the hospital for dinner and a visit each day. 

Owen was not really a fan of his baby brother at first, hated being in my hospital room, and didn't want Noah anywhere near him. He just wanted to walk the halls and leave with grandma - it sort of broke my heart! But, each day he did get a little better and would let Noah a little closer to him and spent some time cuddled up with me. 

After 24 hours they took me off of the mag, but my blood pressure didn't normalize like it should have and they continued my meds from pregnancy and increased the dose. But my BP kept rising, so they started my on a second med on day 2pp and I had to stay another night :( - by day three my BP was still super high, but the doc on call agreed to increase my dose and let us go home and monitor my BP at home! Yay! 3 days in the hospital is way too long! We were finally home Saturday afternoon and able to start adjusting as a family - and have Noah's newborn pictures taken on Sunday. Within, a few days at home, Owen was very protective of Noah and always wanted to know where he was and hold him - so I was happy to know that most of his difficulty was with the hospital and not with me or his brother.  

I had a check up about a week pp and my blood pressure was normal on meds, but my doc kept me on them, but said to continue checking at home and after another week I was off of both meds as my BP started getting low! Yay! I went for another check after a week off meds and BP was normal - and it was still normal at my 6 week check! Yay! Although, Owen was a little traumatized by all of this and gets berry upset when my blood pressure is checked now - he's a smart cookie and knows that when they checked momma she went away and slept at the hospital and he did not like that! 

After discharge, Noah had to go back after 24hrs for a jaundice check and his levels were even higher so we had to go in Monday for another check - then we got a call that said he had to go the the children's hospital and have him checked again that evening since his levels were even more elevated and that if they hadn't gone down - he would have to be admitted to go under the lights - I was super upset and we prayed like crazy and nursed as much as I could possibly get him too - even more than we had been - which was every two hours since we left the hospital trying to get things back to normal. Evidently, his jaundice was greatly increased by all he bruising from birth. That night we got the hospital and they couldn't find the lab orders from our doc, so we had to wait over an hour as they got a hold of the doc to send new orders - praying and waiting and praying and waiting. They finally brought us back and drew blood - then we waited the next half hour in the can for the results - to find out if he would be admitted or go home - and praise the Lord - we got a call that his bilirubin levels had dropped drastically - way more than could have been expected - and he didn't need to be admitted! We went home and scheduled another check for Wednesday along with his 1wk checkup. He had lost more weight since he left the hospital, but was back over his birth weight and completely over all jaundice issues by his 2 week appointment! 

So, overall, we were very blessed and protected, but it was quite the stressful two weeks while both Noah and I recovered and got healthy! I was so glad that J was able to be home for those two weeks with soo many doctors appointments and the nonstop feeding and feeling crummy from the BP meds (they made me tired and really achey) - then in the middle of that time J's parents came for the weekend and then at the end of J's time off work, my parents came for two weeks. So, our first month together was very full and blessed and passed very quickly! And now, Noah is already two months old and we are finally getting into a new routine an getting back out for playdates and a more normal life. It's amazing how long it really takes to start getting back to normal with two under two (only for a few more days!).

Even though my pregnancy and delivery were not ideal, Noah was and is so completely worth any and all difficulty in getting him here! I thank the Lord every day for both of my amazing boys!

in between - five minute friday

I know I already shared this photo today, but it fit this post too!

In between my two babies. My boys - my sons - I am struggling with being caught in between the two if them - not quite meeting either one's needs exactly how they'd like. Today my toddler begged me to put my nursing newborn to bed - "mommy - sleepy, sleepy, pleaaase sleepy" he cried to me as he pointed to his brother's bassinet and begged that I prepare him a snack instead.

In between a rock and a hard place - they both need me so much, yet in such very different ways and in ways that are so much the same. One month in and I'm not sure how I'll do it, how I'll make sure that the toddler knows that he is loved and not forgotten and that the babe receives the attention and care that he needs as well. 

In between, not sure of which way to turn - who to help - there is only one of me and two of them with so many wants and needs between them.

But I continue on, finding the beauty in all this need, reveling in the wonder of all this love - between these two is exactly where I want to be!

sad...

My momma is gone. She and my dad left tonight at about seven to start their road trip back home to the desert. I held it together while they were leaving trying to make sure that Owen understood that they wouldn't be back in the morning and that we wouldn't be seeing them again for quite a while, and then not a full minute after I closed the door behind them, I had to get Owen distracted with a toy and I hid in the bathroom and cried - big time. They were here for about 15 days, but they both worked whole they were here and didn't come over until after Owen's afternoon nap most days - so I feel like I barely had time with them. And, of course, J is on call tonight and going golfing in the morning - this momma already misses her momma and isn't looking forward to doing g this alone! Here we go - time to start real life as a mom of two - with a hubby as a second year fellow - and no family less than 7 hours away! I know I can do this, but tonight, I just wanna pout a little! I want my mommy (complete with toddler stomp and pout)!

Oh and I do realize that after posting every day for a month, I haven't posted at all for the last month, but we are doing great and getting a routine down and I will be getting Noah's birth story finished up and be back to regularly scheduled posting again soon!

Blog Every Day in May: Day 28

Challenge Day 28: Only pictures - this one is easy - I had a ton of posts I never got around to writing, but that had pictures I really wanted to share so - here you go!

 

 

Blog Every Day in May: Day 26

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

*Disclaimer - I am not a doctor or an expert on sleep, sleep safety, or anything else - everything stated here is simply my understanding and my opinion - please research these ideas for yourself and make informed decisions* 

Photo from article - not shared as an opinion or endorsement either way

So, in the world of moms and babies - there are lots of opinions and sides and things to argue about - yet in the end, we all just want what is best for our babies. I was recently linked to this post through Facebook and after reading the article and some of the comments - I have to say it left me more than a little bit frustrated. I'm not here to argue for or against co-sleeping or bedsharing or crib sleeping or any other parenting choice when it comes to getting your kid to sleep - those are your decisions and you need to know the risks and benefits of each option - weigh them accordingly - and make your informed parenting decisions. It's not my place to say what you should or shouldn't do.

There are two things that really, really frustrated me about this article and the responses it was getting. First, this article, and many others like it, uses the terms "bed-sharing" and "co-sleeping" interchangeably. This is soo confusing to many new parents as they hear about all of the "benefits of co-sleeping" from many different places - then read something like this and are completely unsure of what to do. Bed-sharing is the practice that this study actually refers to, that is often linked to SIDS and can be quite dangerous - although many, many families bed-share successfully and safely by following many of the precautions discussed in the article as well as others. The family bed is not a new concept. Co-sleeping is not the same thing as bed-sharing - co-sleeping is having your infant in the same room as you to sleep, but sleeping in a separate sleep structure (bassinet, pack n' play, crib, sidecar crib, etc). This practice is considered much safer by many experts and is said to lower SIDS risk as parents are in close proximity to baby and can hear breathing, etc., to more closely monitor the infant. It drives me crazy that the terms are so often switched and then dangers or benefits linked to studies of one or the other are misinterpreted. Secondly, when reading through the comments it drives me crazy and hurts my heart the way we respond to information like this - on both sides. If you are informed and make educated decisions about how you are raising your children - then there is no reason to have hurt feelings, be defensive, cursing, and attacking in your response to information that disagrees with your stance. Your experience is your own, and while often a minority opinion will feel marginalized, it will never help your case to attack the other side.

What do you think? Why do we get so caught up in attacking those who disagree with us and tearing them down? Why can't we disagree and still get along? Or am I just being naive? This issue in particular is a safety issue, and I understand being passionate about your position and sharing information with others to help keep kids safer - and I'm all for that, but can't we (on both sides) look at that information objectively and make our decisions - instead of blindly following "rules" or calling studies "crap" because they do/don't agree with what you were told?