Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
All in all, I know I've been a bit of a complainer in recent weeks, but my "lot in life" is a pretty darn good one! We have everything that we need and more. We are all healthy and able-bodied - I am married to the best man I know, and my kid is fantastic! Sure, J works almost twice as much as the average American and that is hard - but he has worked similar hours since we met, and when he is here - he is all here and makes us a priority - often at his own expense - so I really don't have room to claim J's job something difficult in my "lot" that I need to overcome - even though it does come with it's own unique challenges.
However, there is something that I've been struggling with and trying to overcome - especially this last year. This life married to a surgeon - and life in general - includes a lot of unknowns - his schedule is irregular and there could always be something that comes up keeping him away for a genuinely good reason. This is hard for me - not having everything all lined up and tied with a bow is hard for me. I am a planner....I like to know what is coming so that I can be prepared. I don't like surprises and I don't like change. Yet, life requires flexibility and an ability to embrace the unknown. That is something that I have never been good at. Now, throughout this pregnancy, we have been faced with unknown after unknown and question after question - all of which received vague non-answers. It seems that each time I go to the doctor I face another "if" and receive no sense of security or answers. I'm hoping that starting these meds will lead to a little more certainty and an ability to plan/determine when things are coming - since I've been told several times now that this pregnancy is most likely ending with an induction - but each time we speak it varies as to when - being anywhere from now to 39 weeks - and that is a big difference, especially with a toddler who I have to prepare for a new brother and who needs to be taken care of when I am in the hospital.
This has been the year in which I have had to learn that I don't always know the plan, and I don't always get to have all the answers - but I need to step forward in faith and continue on "for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." {Jer. 29:11} He knows what He's doing and His plan is better than mine could ever be - so maybe sometimes a little bit of the unknown is okay and maybe I don't have to have it all figured out - because He does!
