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| Unrelated photo - but the only HS pics I have easy access to are from Prom, so here you are! |
When you go to a high school with less than 100 people in your graduating class and then you factor in social status levels and interests and all of that - the dating pool isn't really all that large - even if you expand to the grade above or below there still aren't that many options - so for this reason - my group of friends and several other groups of friends in my school were fairly "incestuous" - meaning there was no "girl code" or "guy code" dictating that you don't date a friends ex - if someone hasn't dated one of your friends it was a rare occurrence - and we would all often find ourselves interested in the same boys.
Anyway, there was a certain group of boys that was at the same social level as my group of friends and therefore our groups would tend to associate and inter-date. I can't remember exactly how it came about but there was one boy in the group who never seemed to like me - not that everyone should like me, but he seemed to dislike me specifically, rather than just not like me - as he liked my friends. So, somehow it came about that he did in fact dislike me and I wasn't just crazy - and I asked him why he didn't like me (this is never a good idea and I'm really unsure why I thought it was at the time) anyway - he uttered the words aloud that he never liked me because he believed that I was "deficient in morals." I do not remember anything else that was said in that conversation, nor do I really remember much else about that boy or any interactions that I had had with him - but those words cut me deeply and they are words that I will never forget.
I still can't quite believe that a high school boy would phrase things that way, and at the point that he said that I was still very much a goody-goody - although I was a teenager and I am human, so I did things wrong - but I don't really know what about my 16 year old self would have made him think that about me. I don't maybe I was "deficient in morals" and maybe I completely misunderstand this whole Christianity thing and I still am, but even if it is completely and utterly true - ouch, not the thing you expect to hear by the lockers between classes!
This boy, who is now a man, probably has no recollection of ever saying these words to me or any idea that they cut me so deeply, but as a people pleaser and "goody-goody" Christian girl - I was devastated to know that something about me projected to others that I was immoral and that I didn't have morals.
I know now, that my morals are my own, and that the one one I need to please with them is God - it's up to Him to judge me and not others - but so often as Christians we feel as though we can judge others and who they are and what their relationship with God must be like based on what they look like or how they speak or dress or even how they make us feel (whether or not that has anything to do with them at all)! I want my boys to know that it is never okay to judge others and that we are never capable if knowing what is going on inside of a person between him/her and God - and that really it is none of our business! It is up to us to let our "lights shine" and be an example of God's love to the world - they will have plenty of other opportunities to face judgement and condemnation from all around.
The thing is we never know which words we speak will stick to a person - which words will define a little piece of them from now on and will always be there in the back of his/her head. It is so easy to pick on others or to be careless or judgmental - never considering a long term impact of our words. Words are powerful and we need to always be aware of that. I'm not rubber, you're not glue, sticks and stones will break our bones, but words - they can really hurt you.
I know now, that my morals are my own, and that the one one I need to please with them is God - it's up to Him to judge me and not others - but so often as Christians we feel as though we can judge others and who they are and what their relationship with God must be like based on what they look like or how they speak or dress or even how they make us feel (whether or not that has anything to do with them at all)! I want my boys to know that it is never okay to judge others and that we are never capable if knowing what is going on inside of a person between him/her and God - and that really it is none of our business! It is up to us to let our "lights shine" and be an example of God's love to the world - they will have plenty of other opportunities to face judgement and condemnation from all around.
The thing is we never know which words we speak will stick to a person - which words will define a little piece of them from now on and will always be there in the back of his/her head. It is so easy to pick on others or to be careless or judgmental - never considering a long term impact of our words. Words are powerful and we need to always be aware of that. I'm not rubber, you're not glue, sticks and stones will break our bones, but words - they can really hurt you.
