It's funny how much I used to know and how many things I used to be ready, willing, and able to educate others about - whether that be about early childhood education and development, discipline, parenting or the like. I had all the advice one could need and I knew just what to do - I was even ready to write the book - and then what happened?
I actually had a kid of my own - you know the kind that is yours 24/7 and not for 2-8 hours a day...and oh, hmm - things are just a little different on this end. Do I look back and regret the advice I gave? No. Do I think I was wrong or led people astray? No, I actually still think the majority, if not almost all, of the advice I've given parents over the years was good, sound advice - but what I do regret is the attitude I had at the time. Because even if my advice was right and even if I knew and know the "right" things to do - I was super judgmental. I was never rude or open in my judgment, but in my heart I was thinking how easily they could fix issues and how much better of a job I would/could do in their place - I was Judgy McJudgerson! And that was soo wrong, because, most of the time, especially in the community I worked in, these parents genuinely didn't know what to do to help their kids and they were scared of screwing them up, so they did nothing or they tried what they thought was best or what their parents had done and sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn't - and they asked for help, or maybe they didn't even know anything was wrong. They looked to me for advice and I was the lady with all answers, yet I really didn't understand how much harder it is to put all of those things into practice in your every day 24/7 life than it is to "know" them and teach them - it's hard to tell your toddler he can't watch TV when you are exhausted and pregnant and all you want to do is cuddle up on the couch all day - it's hard to be consistent with the discipline when he's screaming in the store/restaurant/park/etc. and everyone is looking at you - it's hard to play trains for the 80,000th time in the last two days! - it's hard to feel like you are doing things right when you face tantrums at every turn.
So, today I'm supposed to educate you on something I know or something I'm good at, and in the past that would always have been something educational or something about childrearing - but instead I'm glad to not be the expert today - I'm glad that I'm not the one who has to have all the answers. So, I'm not going to educate you - I'm going to share in your struggle to raise your kids up right. I'm going to share that I'm still learning and that when it comes to kids - you never know it all! You have to let them educate you just as much as you educate them - you have to love them as hard as you can - and you have to filter through all the advice from the mom down the road who has it all together, the other mom who as far as you see has nothing together, and from that nosey/bossy teacher/nanny/kid who thinks she has it all figured out (because she might actually have something valid to add and even if she doesn't - she really does have good intentions even if she is a bit naive) and you have to use your child as your guide and determine what fits and what doesn't.
The biggest thing that I really want us all to know and embrace is that judging each other for our differences doesn't do our kids any good. Picking on those who do things differently only teaches our children that it is ok to hate what is different. Our world claims that it is for tolerance, yet the "mommy wars" rage about things like how we feed our babies and how to care for them and teach them - and that is just sad and silly. There are some absolutes and we should stand for what we believe in and support the things that are best for all children - because our kids can't advocate for themselves - but judging others won't change their minds or their hearts. I still struggle with judging other parents - I struggle as I see kids that aren't getting what they need developmentally or parents who don't think things apply to them - and I want to "educate" them all on how they should be doing things - but instead I'm learning how not to be the "teacher lady" and how not to boss other people's kids around and while it's hard - sometimes it's good to be the student and to be the one getting the education instead of giving it. I'm sure my time to teach will come again, and I'll have a little more credibility to back me up this time, but the biggest change will be that whether I agree or disagree - I know now that it's not my place to judge - even if you're wrong! ;)
