This momma is tired. Like the tired in your bones that just doesn't go away - yet somehow, here I am in the middle of the night, watching TV and blogging because as much as I want and need the sleep it just won't come. I had an even harder time sleeping last week between the first (2/4) and second (2/13) ultrasounds - praise the Lord that the second one went so well and I was able to sleep again - but adding to that J was on call every other day last week after we got back from the desert. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - then Tuesday again and Saturday again then Tuesday again. That means that he hasn't had an actual day off in over two weeks - sure he had post call days after all of those call days, but he also went back in for an emergency on post call day and he worked late at least 3 of the regular work days between all of the those call days. So, that means I've seen my hubby for like 3.2 seconds since our trip - oh and last Saturday he had to take his standardized test for this year - so half that time he was home - he was either studying or stressing about not studying! ughh!
February has not been good to us!
Plus somewhere in there I attempted to go to a babywearing meeting and felt totally ignored and left bawling on the phone to J at work (where he really was far to busy to try to comfort his ridiculous, pregnant *read hormonal* wife). I was looking for some help and input on woven wraps and they were really busy helping everyone else and I guess I just didn't speak up enough - I was hoping to borrow a wrap from the lending library too and even that didn't happen. So, I just bought one online and watched videos to figure this whole thing out for myself. There is definitely a learning curve, but I think I'm figuring it out and Owen seems more than willing to help me out and loves cuddling momma in his "ba-pa" (backpack).
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| Ahh, finally asleep - please stay that way until morning! |
It's hard work growing a baby and taking care of a toddler and Owen is definitely getting super needy lately. He wants to be held nearly constantly and is loudly and forcefully making his wants and needs known. Add to that some lovely 18 month old sleep regression, which I'm told is normal and it's been extra hard. At least 3 times this week (and as many last week), Owen fought his naps for upwards of two hours - getting out of bed, standing in bed, screaming, crying, rocking in the rocking chair, reading books, singing - I have tried literally everything. I've tried sitting with him, I've tried laying in his bed, I've tried being mean and scary voiced mommy, I've tried leaving him alone to cry it out. He just keeps fighting and fighting and fighting sleep - even though I KNOW that he is tired - getting cranky, rubbing his eyes, yawning. He willingly goes upstairs with me to go to bed, but once we're there it's a whole other story. As for bedtime, he does a little better, but insists that I sit in the rocking chair until he falls asleep, and if he isn't all the way asleep and I try to sneak out, even with talking to him, he ends up getting himself so worked up that by the time he's calmed down again, the whole process takes even longer than it did the first time. He has always slept sooo well, but all of a sudden, it is really like he is scared to go to sleep, he doesn't seem to be being bad or defiant or playing (well sometimes he is being a stinker and playing) - mostly he just seems genuinely worried for me to leave him and I don't get it, is he having scary dreams, is he just developing more of a sense of self and my separation from him, or is he just being 1 1/2 and this is another phase that will pass? With all of this he's back to waking up in the middle of the night again 2 out of 3 nights at least twice - you can usually get him back down the first time, but the second or third is harder, and he ends up in our bed somewhere in the middle of most nights - which means bad sleep for everyone except Owen. Add to that his runny nose and junky nighttime cough that keeps waking him and making it hard to breathe
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...like I said, this momma is tired - and if I'm as tired as I know I am, J has got to be barely hanging on, because at least Owen and I sleep in until 7:30-8:30 most mornings - J does all this and gets up between 4-5 most mornings (I do not envy that). We really need to get to bed earlier, but it's hard when you try to put Owen down at 8:30 and it's after ten by the time you can leave him. Lord, we need help with this sleep thing - help us know how to help Owen feel secure and get to sleep easily, help us to get things done and get to bed at a decent hour, give us deep restorative sleep so that we wake refreshed and ready to serve you at our best. Thank you, Lord! AMEN!
***oh and on a totally unrelated note - Owen is totally getting the whole praying before dinner thing and holds hands soo nicely and grins a huge grin when we all say Amen - add to that - he sings "This Little Light of Mine" all the time - it is SOO amazing seeing him begin to develop his own relationship with the Lord!***
