...and why should anybody care, if I don't even know myself?
The last five years have been ones of rapid change (started teaching, master's degree, best friend moved away, married, baby) - mostly for the better, but it leaves me wondering "who am I?' - I'm not who I was, but I'm not yet the Christian/woman/wife/mother that I want to be. Hopefully, by doing this I and those who care to come along for the ride will be able to have greater insight into that journey.
I have spent so many of years of my life being who I thought other people wanted me to be. To be the BEST teacher, girlfriend/wife, sister, daughter, mom, friend, and whatever else. Desperately trying to fit in, meet "expectations," andbe good enough be perfect. Any guess how that's working? It's hard not to feel like a failure when your human and your goal is perfection - so it's time to try something a little more realistic. It's hard questioning whether people really know and love me or the image I worked so hard to build of myself. I know that God made me in his image and I have every reason to step out and embrace being who he made me to be - but up until now, I've been a coward. I've been a different person with different people, I've molded my thoughts and actions to mirror those around me rather than living by my (and God's) principles. I've been scared to be too Christian/not Christian enough, too silly/too serious, too private/too open, and so on. Always concerned that I was too much and not enough at the same time. I desperately want Owen to feel self-assured and comfortable being himself - so I better start trying now so that by the time he can remember me, I'll be a new better mommy! I'm going to do a series of posts to introduce myself through roles that most define who I am currently and my take on the world.
After that I hope to post on the ever-changing Owen, on a memories I'd like to share with him, on life and counting my blessings, and who knows what else! I'm hoping I can do this regularly enough to help give all our far off friends and family (which will be many more come July) a window into our lives and help us to all keep up with each other - since I'm horrible at remembering to call/email regularly.
The last five years have been ones of rapid change (started teaching, master's degree, best friend moved away, married, baby) - mostly for the better, but it leaves me wondering "who am I?' - I'm not who I was, but I'm not yet the Christian/woman/wife/mother that I want to be. Hopefully, by doing this I and those who care to come along for the ride will be able to have greater insight into that journey.
I have spent so many of years of my life being who I thought other people wanted me to be. To be the BEST teacher, girlfriend/wife, sister, daughter, mom, friend, and whatever else. Desperately trying to fit in, meet "expectations," and
After that I hope to post on the ever-changing Owen, on a memories I'd like to share with him, on life and counting my blessings, and who knows what else! I'm hoping I can do this regularly enough to help give all our far off friends and family (which will be many more come July) a window into our lives and help us to all keep up with each other - since I'm horrible at remembering to call/email regularly.
