surprise...

And yes, I acknowledge that this is just my belly!

...I'm pregnant. It's early, too early to announce to the world and we haven't even told our families yet, but as this is anonymous-ish (and I have no followers so far)- I want to start documenting this pregnancy ASAP - as I did a horrible job of it for Owen. Also, if anything were to happen, I would definitely need to work through it and this would be the place for that as well. Today, I am 4 weeks and 5 days and I don't really have any symptoms yet, other than being tired and emotional - which are pretty typical these days anyway! My first doctors appt. is on the 19th, so hopefully I'll get to see this new little bean then!

I promise there really are two lines!

I found out last Wednesday morning and I tried to come up with a cute way to let J know. After our bible study (where it was soo hard not to spill the beans - but I couldn't tell those ladies before J and our parents!), O and I headed to Target and found a little brother doll (was hoping to find a big brother T-shirt, but no luck!) and we tied the test on to the doll and Owen ran up to daddy with both when he got home! J was a little surprised and confused (the test was VERY faintly positive and he thought I was showing him a negative one), but once we had everything explained he was excited. A few minutes later, we sent pictures of the doll and tests to both of our moms.

I had taken other tests (that said 6 days before missed period) on the Saturday before and Monday, but both were negative - so we had pretty much determined that it wasn't happening this month (both Owen and this baby were conceived the first month that we decided it would be okay to not try not to get pregnant). Right now, my feelings are mixed. I'm excited to add to our family and have another baby, but I'm scared too! I'm scared of not having enough time for Owen. I'm scared that Owen will feel left out or not as loved. I'm scared that because I haven't lost the weight from my first pregnancy that this baby and I won't be as healthy as we could/should be. I'm scared that since I got pregnant at this weight and I couldn't lose the last 15 pounds from my pregnancy with Owen - that I will just get fatter and fatter from here and that I will never be able to lose the weight! I was really hoping to start really dieting once Owen stopped nursing, but since I'm pregnant now and Owen isn't showing any signs of self-weaning - clearly any heavy dieting is out of the picture for at least another 2 years. I'm also scared that because of this pregnancy Owen will end up being forced to wean sooner than he'd like, or else I'll end up nursing two at once and constantly have a baby on the boob. It was hard enough keeping up with Owen at the beginning, I don't know if I could handle two at once.

If the next is 1/2 this cute, I'm in trouble when they start ganging up on me!

Oh, and J's dad of course had to suggest that it may be twins - so now I'm really concerned there are two in there. Ah, the irrational fears of pregnancy brain! At least this fear will be confirmed or allayed soon enough! (J's brothers are twins, but there are no twins in my family - so chances are low).

In other recent news, we are really enjoying our playgroup and my mothers Bible study. Well, Owen doesn't like the Bible study, because he has to go to the nursery, but he's doing better every week - he needs those couple hours a week away from me - he needs to know that he can be okay without mommy 24/7. It's amazing how mommy-dependent he's gotten since the move - even daddy won't do most of the time!

Our playgroup has been doing lots of fun fall activities, which have been great for this desert girl. We went on a fun fall hike, painted pumpkins, went to a local children's farm! It's been great - although I'm getting a little frightened for what winter may have in store - it was 39 degrees this morning at the park and there is only a high of 61 today! Back in the desert, today's high is 93! This momma is missing her home!